The Husband:

Survivor
is back for its 17th season, returning to Africa for the first time since season 3. While I think we can all admit that the show always feels more right on an island nation — something the producers figured out a long time ago — and that right now Gabon just isn’t very visually appealing as far as Survivor locations go, I’m pretty sure we haven’t seen much of what the location has to offer. Just like the first time they were in Africa, there is more of a variety of terrain during each weekly challenge, and I hope they can exploit said variety as often as they can.

Yeah, there was a two-hour premiere. Yeah, I could talk about how the shoddily-formed Fang (pronounced “Fong”) was decimated three challenges in a row by the stronger Kota tribe. Yeah, I could talk about Charlie the gay lawyer’s very cute crush on straight Marcus. Yeah, I could talk about the “Onion Alliance” and how I just don’t think it’s going to hold up. Yeah, I could talk about the sheer amount of blood running down obnoxious Randy’s face when he rammed his head into their shelter in the pitch-black night.

But really, what I want to talk about is Junk Blurring, something Survivor has a great deal of experience with. So far over 16 seasons, we’ve had ass-cleavage blurring (I miss you, Amanda!), fat old man dong blurring (I don’t miss you, Richard Hatch. Hope you are liking prison so far!) and chesticle blurring (Heidi and Jenna looked hotter standing atop those poles with their breasts blurred than they did a few months later all airbrushed in Playboy). But now I think we have a Survivor first:

Cameltoe blurring!

God bless you, Michelle, the music producer who was the first to be voted off the island. During your protein reconnaissance — that’s not a euphemism — with Ken the Super Smash Bros. Melee video game champion who had a crush on you, there it was in all its glory, a big blur around your genitalia. Thank you, CBS.

Oh, sweet eye candy, how I will miss you.

Oh, sweet eye candy, how I will miss you.

Now, I’m always making a big fuss about how I’d rather see great players than pretty airheads on reality shows, but come on, Fang Tribe. You couldn’t have given me a few more weeks with Michelle? Cameltoe or not, I could have put up with her big mouth for just a couple more episodes. I have needs to, ya know? It’s early in the game. Give yourself some eye candy.

But clearly, Michelle did not read this primer on how not to be the first ousted reality show contestant. Neither did Gillian, who despite seeming like a good person basically annoyed her teammates so much that they just simply couldn’t take her anymore.

Next week, it looks like the challenge is going to concern a lot of violence, what with the pulling opposing contestants off of poles in any way you can. This is definitely a step up from this week’s far-too-regular challenges.

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