The Husband:

In one of the smoothest eliminations of the series (and definitely the smoothest of the season), we finally have justice: Crystal Cox, Olympic gold medalist and all-around shitty Survivor player, has been voted out of the tribe.

Crystal, you just got burned.

Crystal, you just got burned.

But how did this happen? How did everyone finally notice that she was a worthless ally and a worthless enemy, and that if she made it to the final three that they would be rewarding bad gameplay, bad challenge skills and the cheapness that comes in hiding behind a greater threat?

Well, here’s how: Bob, ever the nice guy and perpetual challenge winner, is set to be voted off due to the fact that if he made it to the jury vote, he would almost without question win the entire season. Kenny, especially, has his sights set on sending Bob away after being lied to about the second fake hidden immunity idol (yes, Bob made two great fake ones this year), a lie that put Kenny in a predicament after Matty realized that hanging extra vote for him game from the Asian-American videogame champion.  So Bob, to make up for the lie, promises Kenny that if he won the individual immunity necklace, he would give it to Kenny.

And then he goes and wins the necklace. Unsure that Kenny would not turn on him and get him voted out now that he would no longer be immune, Bob renegotiates the deal and says he will only give it to Kenny if he feels that Kenny is in danger of being voted out. Kenny tries to rally the tribe to tell Bob that they want to vote Kenny out, which would presumably change Bob’s mind about giving up the necklace, but Sugar doesn’t like the plan to backdoor Bob (nor should she), so she reveals Kenny’s plan to Bob. Ever the resourceful duo, Bob and Sugar put into motion one of the great plans of the season.

At tribal, Bob refuses to give up the necklace, as he feels that Kenny is not in danger. He’s not actually breaking any promise, because it turns out that it’s the absolute truth. It’s Kenny’s main ally, Crystal, that is in trouble. The votes come in, and as Matty has been the scapegoat for his half of the tribe, he knows that he will be receiving some votes in order to remove him as a very physical threat in challenges (and for being a pretty cool guy). Ah, but Sugar makes extra sure that Crystal goes home, because as she has the actual hidden immunity idol and this is the final week it can be played, she gives the idol to Matty, post-vote but pre-vote reading, to ensure Matty’s continued stay in Gabon. Two of the votes don’t count (the ones for Matty), and Crystal Cox is out for good.

It’s amazing that Sugar felt so confident that zero votes were going to go her way at tribal council that she could give up the idol, and that she did such a good job convincing people she would never give it to Matty in the first place, that nobody even thought about blindsiding her. I don’t care what you think about Sugar’s personality, but you have to admit that she has been a great player over the last several episodes, and that she and Bob are the people to beat.

I am ecstatic to report that, other than the worthless under-the-radar Susie, I like every person in the final five.

  • Kenny, despite being a rat (or a snake depending on how you view Sue Hawk’s famous debut-season analogy replaced with this season), should be commended for lasting so long and for putting so many great plans into motion, even if they didn’t all work..
  • Matty has done very little feather-ruffling and yet has still risen as the good guy to beat. And his recent proposal to his girlfriend didn’t hurt, either.
  • Bob is a brilliant strategist and a surprisingly good challenge player. He is also probably the most likeable and noble Survivor player in seasons, and for once I’d like to see that rewarded.
  • Sugar is the best out-in-the-open player, using her brains to get her by. She’s flipped tribes so many times that she has no real enemies anymore, helped by her entirely genuine and genial nature. Unfortunately, she will suffer the wrath of being hated by the jury (especially terrible human beings Randy and Corrine) for getting them voted out and will not receive the rightful votes for her incredible gameplay. It happens almost every year, and it will continue to bother me until the end of time. Jury, you’re voting for somebody who outwitted, outplayed and outlasted you. Grudges are worthless and petty.

Sunday is the two-hour finale. Go Sugar and Bob, fools!