The Husband:

I present to you more of my nightly notes on American Idol, coming at you this week from my own backyard, the San Francisco Bay Area. (Except for the fact that this was the only California audition stop for this season of Idol, so basically it was a lot of Los Angeles fucks infecting my beloved NorCal.) As usual, the notes don’t really make a whole lot of sense unless you were watching, too, and can pick up on my random and often vulgar references.

  • San Francisco rock ‘n’ roll, muthafucka!
  • I recall a few seasons back when Idol last stopped by San Francisco, and Seacrest referred to the bulk auditions (as in not in front of the judges, but in the middle of a stadium with a variety of producers) as taking place at the Cow Palace, with emphasis on “Palace.” No, Seacrest. It’s Cow Palace, not Cow Palace. I know that’s a ridiculous distinction, but it matters. I don’t call it the Chrysler Building, now do I? It’s the Chrysler Building, dammit.
  • Oh, Cow Palace, I long for you to become the home of Dickens Fair again.

    Oh, Cow Palace, I long for you to become the home of Dickens Fair again.
  • People (like Tatiana from Puerto Rico) seem to have done very well so far this season [as in getting a golden ticket] simply by begging. This is an odd trend of which I am not fond.
  • Where the hell is Antelope, CA? [And now that I’ve checked, I guess I have driven through the town on my way up north every now and again, but the fact that I’ve completely forgotten about it each and every time does not bode well for this unincorporated land.]
  • Ah…so Kara can be swayed by the presence of a contestant’s sad-faced children. This information will come in handy when I involve her in my plot to take over the world. Now I just need to kidnap two said ethnic children and that phase will be complete!
  • Dalton (from Manteca) is good at solving a Rubik’s Cube, but can he do it behind his back like Tyson Mao from Beauty And The Geek (who, apparently, was hired to be a Rubik’s Cube consultant for The Pursuit of Happyness).
  • Now that I’ve mentioned Manteca, I must point out that it’s a town that has a very awesome, very big and very old-fashioned waterslide park. But now that I’ve typed it into Wikipedia, I find that a piece of my childhood has now been cut out of me: the park closed in 2004 (oh noes!) and now the entire site is UNDERWATER (double OH NOES!). What a shame.
  • Apparently, Simon thought Akilah (that crazy chick doing a bad job of representing Oakland, home of MC Hammer, Tupac and En Vogue among others) had “a naughty face.” I want to know what that means.
  • Annie Murdoch from Novato was Marin County crazy (sorry, local East Bay pride makes me look at rich Marin white people as unworthy of their territory), but I dug her Golden Gate Bridge shirt.
  • Adam Lambert, both my wife and I would like to sleep with you, even if neither myself and presumably you are gay. It’s too bad you won’t be in the touring cast of Wicked that we’re seeing next month.
  • Kai Kalama is good (and I get why viewers would really rally around him), but he seems like he’s going to suffer the same fate as s4’s Anwar Robinson, who was an older, hip musician with a good heart who simply just couldn’t cut it when the competition really got moving.
  • Not enough San Francisco, dammit! Where’s our two-hour episode?
  • 12 tickets were given out (for shame, Bay Area), so that means there are 81 tickets left given in the audition round this season. If, of course, Seacrest is to be believed. He’s a wiley fellow, that Seacrest.