The Husband:

Far more likely by coincidence than by design, Thursday night’s two-hour block of Shonda Rhimes messing with your emotions dealt with the same issues for its entire running time — to what distance should a doctor follow their Hippocratic oath, do they have the ability or even the right to choose who to help in times of crisis, and the amount of creepiness Joel Grey emanates? Okay, that last one was only during Private Practice, but seriously, he has become progressively creepier each year ever since winning both a Tony and an Oscar for his role as the Emcee in Cabaret. (See his appearances on Buffy and this week’s PP for further evidence.)

On Grey’s Anatomy the show decided to finish off its three-episode Eric Stoltz-versus-that-kid-with-major-liver-and-bowel-problems, picking up right where the last episode left off — that is, with Stoltz using Meredith’s advice to make himself completely brain-dead by smashing his noggin on the headboard. Meredith and Miranda reluctantly decide to not page Derek immediately, but Cristina comes in and makes the call for them. Derek, upon being paged, is extremely upset with Meredith for waiting so long and thus ignoring her duties as a doctor, even if a dead Stoltz means sweet new organs for Jackson the sick dying boy. As Derek operates on Stoltz’s brain, Miranda comes in and tells Derek that against her better judgment, it’s her duty to tell him to stop operating on the death row serial killer, only to finally relent when Derek poses to her the ultimate question — is he a surgeon or an executioner.

Stoltz now saved, he tries to save face by telling Meredith that this was all a set-up to ruin her career, which she wisely does not believe. Despite this, though, she accepts his invitation to be present at his execution, and upon seeing his useless body be destroyed — chock full of useful organs she could have harvested for better purposes — she goes home and completely collapses emotionally in front of Derek. Their fight and ethical conflict unresolved, Derek learns to accept Meredith for what she is, especially since Mama Tyne Daly gave over a ring for him to give to Meredith when the time was right. In addition, Derek finds a way to unite Meredith and Cristina again after several long and obnoxious weeks of them giving each other the silent treatment, allowing Cristina to be a proper best friend and console Meredith’s woes far better than Derek, presumably because he’s a man, could ever hope.

But what of Jackson? Well, there’s another brain-dead man in the hospital, having just been the victim of a horrible car accident, whose wife simply can’t pull the plug, but just as Jackson is about to die, the brain-dead man’s organs finally come in, thus saving the day once and for all. I look forward to a Dr. Miranda Bailey who’s once again very sure of herself and her skills as a doctor, because having her act like Meredith was really starting to wear on me. There’s only room for one Meredith on this show, Chandra Wilson, and her name’s the title of the show.

In smaller, less relevant and more trivial stories, Lexie, upon getting some good lovin’ in the on-call room, accidentally breaks Sloan’s penis (penis fracture OH NOES!) and has a very tough time trying to keep the secret from her fellow interns that she’s Sloan’s new lover. After throwing hissy fits at all of them for butting into other people’s business, Sadie takes the fall for her and claims that she is the Penis Fracturer (a.k.a. either a really sweet new Vertigo comics supervillain or a really bad Quentin Tarantino character.) At the same time, Cristina and Owen come to an understanding about their relationship, that they both have a fuckload of their own issues to deal with, and that dealing with them together might not be such a bad idea.

Ah…but over in Izzieland, Izzie and Denny’s story culminates in what is probably the most frustrating conversation on television in a good long while, all boiling down to the true reason why Denny has been haunting her — he’s not “here for her,” but he’s “here for her.” What is obnoxious and cryptic becomes not-so-apparent to a regular viewer (and somebody who’s not the show’s writers acting like they’re all clever), but the gist, from what I can gather, is that Denny has been around in order to escort Izzie into heaven, which makes her realize that she’s sick.

Seriously, no one likes you. Thats why Ive got to get you off this fucking show so you can continue to make shitty romantic comedies.

Seriously, no one likes you. That's why I've got to get you off this fucking show so you can continue to make shitty romantic comedies.

Oh, you’re sick? Really? We could have told you that very thing six episodes ago. Is that the only reason Denny was around? Because I wasn’t hating their stories so much as simply confused by it, but now it just seems so completely patronizing and kind of a waste of everybody’s time. Now he promised that he’s going away, though, so we can now finally deal with what the hell is actually ailing Izzie.

Lesson: If Jeffrey Dean Morgan starts following you around, punch that bitch in the face, because he’s actually the Grim Reaper and specializes in frustrating you to death until you’re enough of a corpse to be brought into the afterworld.

On Private Practice, Addison FINALLLLLLLLLY breaks up with S.W.A.T. Guy after becoming guilty about her kiss with Dr. Wyatt Lockhart — S.W.A.T. Guy’s mental torture upon her really didn’t help, either. This finally frees her up to be more of an adult character, something this show struggled to achieve in its first season, even if she is pining over yet another immature douchebag (Wyatt). It’s funny that the most stable man she’s ever been with is ex-husband Derek Shepherd, and she fucked that relationship up by having an affair with Sloan. Actually, that’s not funny. That’s actually very depressing, because even as Grey’s and PP fluctuate and quality, I will always be terribly attached to Dr. Addison Montgomery. Me and my redheads.

No matter how big PP could try to be this week, it couldn’t really match up to the amount of drama over on Grey’s, so what’s the use in even getting in-depth with any of the  stories? A surrogate mother comes in to give birth to her child — there are so many damn surrogate mother stories on this show that I’m not entirely sure if this is a character we’ve already seen or just yet another pregnant woman — only to find that the baby itself was very ill with something to the effect of a diaphragmatic hernia. The new parents, afraid for the child’s health, decide to not, in fact, accept the baby, leaving the worried birth mother in a very tough position. She accepts taking care of the baby, but then the parents think twice about their decision and now want it back, only to not be allowed to. Blah blah blah…the surrogate mother finally decides to give them the baby, which is good because, as my wife pointed out, you might want the baby to grow up with somebody who actually has health insurance.

As for Joel Grey, he’s an old queen who is suffering from pancreatic cancer, so he invites Pete over to basically help him die. It’s against Pete’s oath to allow him to kill himself, though, but he’s not sure of his position, because that tharrrr Emcee is in a whole lot of pain. He calls Sam over, who berates him for even considering helping Joel Grey die, but then they both decide to just kind of keep quiet about it. Pete returns to the hospital, steals some morphine, and gives it to Joel Grey, who uses it to finally die. Case closed.

But what’s going on with the personal lives of Oceanside Wellness? Well, Violet finds out that she is pregnant — she’s had a tough time with the concept, considering she’s been raped once and had three abortions — so it’s especially tough when she’s unsure of who the father is, Pete or Sheldon. Rough times. As for Cooper and Charlotte, she proposes to him and decides to elope in Vegas, but after reluctantly saying yes, Cooper decides that Charlotte deserves her wedding to be the best day of her life, even if she can no longer have her father walk her down the aisle. They’re a surprisingly sweet couple, and it doesn’t hurt that she is absolutely “slammin'” — to use a description my sophomore year roommate used quite a bit — when unclothed, which on this show is quite often.

And who should show up at the end of the episode nailing Naomi in the middle of an office but Addison’s brother Grant Show, fresh off the cancellation of the dearly departed Swingtown. I know he’s a major focus in the upcoming Grey’sPP crossover, so be prepared for some major awesomeness.

Lesson: If Joel Grey offers you a bowl of what looks like something covered in sugar, don’t take it. It’s actually a ground up concoction of suicide pills.

Are you sure you dont want any? Its really good pudding!

Are you sure you don't want any? It's really good pudding!

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