The Husband:

As I’m sure you’ve all heard, it has been announced that this is Scrubs’ final season, and while that does not eliminate the chance of any spinoffs, I think it’s the best thing to do. Even at the height of its quality, I’ve never wanted for Scrubs to wither away in any form, and this pretty top-notch (although low-key) season is a great way to go out with dignity. Likewise, these are the last two episodes before mid-March, where they will shift to Wednesday night – goddamn, even when they’re saved by another network they’re still shifted around the schedule – and go back to airing only one episode a week. That last bit is fine, because while back-to-back episodes makes for a happy TV-watching night, to me it makes the episodes feel a little less important, like I’m only watching half of a story even when it’s very clear that the episodes are separated. I just think that in its final year, it’s okay to stretch out the awesomeness.

Onto the episodes. Up first, “My Absence.”

Due to some of the budgetary cuts for this season here on ABC, J.D. was completely off-camera the entire time, although while he was on vacation he was still in constant communication with the good people of Sacred Heart via cellphone. Most of the time he was simply going through the day with his girlfriend Elliot, but requests at one point to be stealthily placed in Dr. Cox’s pocket so he could hear his hero working.

But the big story – or as it would seem to Turk – is that Carla is pregnant again, but Turk is unhappy that she already has told too many people, and thus robbing him of the glory of spreading the good news on his own and getting extreme amounts of congratulations. Unfortunately, this is their second child, and Turk finds out that people only care about your first child. Second? Whatever. Even the hyperactively giddy J.D. can’t muster up much for his best friend over the phone, so Turk decides to lie to Ted’s new girlfriend Stephanie Gooch (welcome back, Kate Micucci, distant college acquaintance of mine) just to get the pleasure of a new ukulele song about first-borns. But when Gooch finds out the devastating truth behind the lie, she flips her lid. Nobody messes with the Gooch, and clearly, Ted is the bitch in their relationship.

What else? Denise the intern “likes fatties,” Dr. Cox’s middle name is Ulysses, Ted’s sperm have no tails, and the show does very well even when Zach Braff is nowhere in sight. I know quite a few people who would have given this show a chance long ago had Zach Braff not been on the show (thankfully, at least two acquaintances have given over and loved the show even with his presence), so maybe this sole episode shown to them might make them realize that the show is great because of its ensemble, and that the stories get spread out fairly evenly among them.

Some good quotes:

  • “Blood splash on my scrubs looks like a tiger!” – Turk
  • “I will try not to drill anymore farts into it.” – Kelso on cafeteria chair J.D. sat in
  • “That’s why you should never trust a camel.” – J.D. (on phone) fantasizing

The second episode, “My Comedy Show,” was a little more classic early-season Scrubs, as J.D. and Turk put on their annual (and annually unfunny) hospital sketch show. How bad does it usually go? We get one flashback where Laverne, amused by Turk’s impersonation of her but infuriated by J.D.’s performance as Jesus, puts a beat-down on that white honkey.

But this year is going to be different, as we have a new batch of interns who are getting the most amount of screentime since s1 when our main characters were interns, and the show is going to go off without a hitch. (Or a Hooch. Hooch is crazy.) Everyone at Sacred Heart takes their lumps (Kelso, who has finally moved away from Coffee Bucks and is now just randomly chilling around the hospital he used to run, is especially amused), but Dr. Beardface doesn’t like the caricature of him (simply a giant piece of cardboard with white fluff covering it all), and J.D. and Turk are devastated when the two people playing them kiss and get a big laugh.

So what’s a bromantic pair to do? Unfortunately, they are forced to tone down the Public Displays of Affection at work so they can be taken seriously again. How long does this last? Not even to the end of the episode, where they embrace, J.D. yells “eagle” (apparently coined one the day when they met David Caruso and somehow a ferris wheel was involved), and “Guy Love” plays on the soundtrack.

This baby? Made entirely of chest hair.

This baby? Made entirely of chest hair.

Meanwhile, the Janitor wakes up in the hospital living room only to see Carla pull out a very long hair from her…chest region, but when she convinces him that he only dreamed it, he comes to think that much of his life has actually all been in his imagination. Neil Flynn is without question the show’s MVP, so to simply see him improv examples of all the crazy shit in his life made the episode.

In Intern Land, the gruff and guyish Denise is paired up with the sunny intern Sunny Day (yes, that’s her full name) on a case involving a teenage girl with an immunodeficiency, and with Elliot’s help Denise continues to learn more about how to deal with patients, how to be social with the other doctors, and when to simply take a break from the hospital and live life.

Other fun bits from the episode:

  • We learn that Elliot has used the baby incubator to heat up sandwiches, often resulting in babies smelling certain ways:
  • “An unlucky few…are ham babies.” – Elliot
  • “That is one long-ass boobie hair.” – Kelso
  • “I have been called the black Wayne Brady.” – Turk
  • “I’ve chewed on that thing, and it’s flatter than day-old beer.” – J.D. re: Elliot’s butt