The Wife:

Oh, Ricky, you are such a total douchebag. Finally, Ricky decides to pay a visit to his therapist Ernie Hudson where he announces that he thinks he’s in love with Amy, the mother of his child, and that he intends to go along with the adoption and change his mind at the last minute so that Amy has to keep the baby and they can raise it together. Yay! Because that’s totally not what a sociopath would do at all. Worse, perhaps, than his “make Amy love me” plan is the confusing statement, “Maybe I tried to get her pregnant because I love her.” Wait, what? What? How does that even make sense?

Even without Ricky’s plan of action, Amy starts to think that maybe she should be with Ricky, or at least give it a shot, since Ben, her once and future husband, isn’t returning her phone calls. And for once, George is being the sane and rational person in the episode, although he is being kind of a dick about it, when he tells his daughter that she can’t solve her problems with Ben and her baby-daddy problems by marrying the wrong guy. With that in mind, Amy and Ricky meet with Donovan and Leon, wherein Ricky proceeds to sabotage the adoption by telling the prospective daddies all about how awful it was being a grown boy in foster care and how everyone wants babies (knowing from his foster mother that Donovan and Leon were once foster parents) and how foster care was so awesome, though, because it was way better than being with his drunk drug-dealing father and his addict mother. Hearing Ricky’s tale of woe (or whatever the fuck that was), the gays start to reconsider. They miss their foster kids, taken away from them by the state of California just because they’re gay, and hearing about Ricky makes them want to fight to get their foster kids back, knowing that Amy’s baby will still be cared for by the whole Jurgens family if they don’t adopt it. (Dear ABC Family: Californians may have narrowly voted in favor of banning same-sex marriages. However, California is one of the few states in the U.S. that has a law specifically permitting gay couples to adopt and foster children. It’s nice that you want your gays to have their foster babies, because I want them to have them too, but their foster babies would have never been taken away from them in the first place in this state.)

(Husband Note: I believe it was the family of the baby that took it back when they found out that it was to be raised by a gay couple, not the state of California. I could be wrong, though.)

Why would you even want a baby? Wanting a baby is so last season!

Why would you even want a baby? Wanting a baby is so last season!

Meanwhile, over in every-other-character-on-this-show land, Adrian is learning about dating from her brother, who doesn’t just want to have sex with her but actually does things that no one has ever done for her before like buying her flowers and taking her to movies and things. You know, actually respecting her. I love that Adrian does take charge of her sex life and fucks whomever she wants whenever she wants on her own terms, but I hope she realizes how nice it can be to actually be in a relationship where you can still fuck that person whenever you want and on your own terms, but you also get a free meal out of it and some attention paid to you, rather than to your best friend who your hate-fuck not-so-secretly wants to bone, her ex (who you boned) and your hate-fuck’s baby mama. Also, Adrian’s brother is way cuter than Ricky. This is a win-win situation.

Jack gets a warning from his mentee to treat his big sister right, because Jack’s role on this show can always be reduced to one sentence.

And then there’s Grace, who actually ended up being my favorite part of this episode. After Josie Bisset’s freak out last week about Tom and Tammy having sex, she decides to get Grace birth control pills, which Grace thinks are the most exciting things in world. And she’s right. They are. Grace is so excited about this, however, that she announces it loudly at school, which makes a lot of dudes think that she’s looking to be a slooty mcslooterface, leading to her receiving several calls from people she hardly knows asking her on make-out dates. Hearing about this, her mother tells Grace that maybe she made a mistake in offering her daughter birth control pills. Grace assures her mom that she’s not having sex and that she doesn’t plan to until she’s married, but having birth control pills is something much more tangible to her than the abstract concept of a promise ring could ever be.

“These are real. These aren’t ‘don’t have sex’ vitamins.” – Grace

Per the above quote, Grace waxes on about what the pills mean to her and how they assure her that sex is something that should be very special, that involves your whole body, mind and soul. I wish I’d written more of that speech down, because it was actually quite good. The message to take from it, though, is to actually talk to your children about the science of sexuality, give them all the information available and ask them to make their own choices based on that. A promise ring doesn’t mean anything because it’s abstract. And not talking to your kids about sex is equally problematic. Birth control pills are real, and giving your kid the option to be on them doesn’t mean their going to take it as an opportunity to have sex recklessly. And, hey, at the very least, her periods will suck less and her skin will be totally awesome. Those are both good things.

Finally, after that disastrous adoption screening, Ben shows up to apologize to Amy and to tell her that he loves her and her son and that he’s totally and completely willing to take care of her and her child for the rest of his life. I love Ben, so much. And I am completely confident that Ricky’s insane scheming can’t tear Amy away from the only man she’s let touch her belly. I leave you with this truly great line from Ben:

“I want to be with you on your 16th birthday, and on your 60th. And I want [our son] to be with us.”