The Wife:

Kath & Kim 1.16: “Desire”

Kim really wants to throw a lingerie party as a way to make a little money and not be so bored, but Craig refuses to bankroll it, ending their date abruptly and therefore ruining Kath and Phil’s sexy naked time. Fed up with her daughter’s continual interruption of her sex life, Kath chases Kim out of the house and starts a scene with Craig, which gathers all the neighbors to watch. Honestly, I can’t believe more of the neighbors haven’t noticed these wacky tacky people before.

Afterward, Kath and Phil decide that they need to help repair Kim and Craig’s relationship. Kath agrees to bankroll Kim’s lingerie party and help her with the preparations (which basically amounts to Kath doing everything), while Phil suggests to Craig that he start acting like a responsible adult and wear dressy slacks and man jewelry. Kath and Kim have a great time at the lingerie party, until Craig and Phil bust in, dressed entirely alike. Craig tries to win Kim back by being like Phil, which is disturbing on so many levels.

Craig: I’m acting like an attractive adult male.

Kim: That’s lame.

They get in yet another fight and totally ruin the lingerie party. None of this was funny, and the lingerie party was basically just an excuse to get Selma Blair and Molly Shannon into skimpy outfits so they could show off their nice legs while acting like idiots. I’d have liked the Kath and Phil try to get Kim and Craig back together plot if it hadn’t converged in such an odd way.

At least Selma is, as always, giving her all.

At least Selma is, as always, giving her all.

Oh, well! Only one more of these left!

30 Rock 3.12: “Larry King”

I have never found Larry King to be as amusing as he was in this episode. Well, unless it’s Conan O’Brien making joke after joke about how freakin’ old the dude is. His appearance on 30 Rock comes as a show-within-a-show where Tracy Jordan, the worst person in the world to feature on Larry King Live, appears on that show to promote TGS.

Meanwhile, Jack hasn’t yet had sex with Elisa and he worries about where the ‘Jalisa’ relationship is going if they haven’t consummated their love and she heads off to Puerto Rico for a week to see her family. Liz boasts that she has officially had sex two more times than Jack in 2009, but loses her cell phone in a cab, setting her out on a trek to Queens to retrieve it from a cabby who wishes to extort money from her simply for knowing Tracy Jordan. When Jack hears that the Asian markets have crashed, he abandons Elisa, fearing that the end of capitalism is near. And as he returns to 30 Rock, Liz ropes Kenneth into escorting her to Queens by pretending she’s his friend.

While Tracy is on Larry King, they get news of the Asian market crash and King starts grilling Tracy on his opinions about the financial future of America. Tracy announces that he’s hidden some of his bajillions at work and the entire writing staff vows to find it. He also gives out such choice fear-mongering advice as:

“At midnight, your Lexus is going to turn back into a hot pile of rats fighting over a finger.”

As they walk through the streets of Queens, to a place where the subway no longer goes, Kenneth and Liz see the panic of the Asian market crash all around them. Kenneth isn’t sure its safe, but Liz tells him that he needs to go on with her because there’s something very important on her phone, a recording of a lullaby her nana just to sing to her, to the tune of “99 Luftballons” by Nena, rather than the actual nude photo of herself that Liz does not want the person holding her phone hostage to send to the whole office. Kenneth figures out that Liz has been lying to him and that they aren’t, in fact, friends and storms off, as if he is acting not as a friend, then he is acting in the capacity of an NBC page, and his insurance does not cover trips to Queens.

Angry that he left her to work on the night that they consummate their love, Elisa tells Jack that she’s leaving him and going to Puerto Rico. He then finds Don Geiss’ final message in the event of an emergency, which, recorded in 1981, warns everyone to “avoid the Noid” and to go to their loved ones. Realizing his error, he races out into the streets to find her and catches her just in time, as the economy is so bad a cab to the airport costs $800. He apologizes and asks her to marry him. She agrees, but:

“I want a ring so big it gives me back problems.”

Give us the money, Lebowski!

Give us the money, Lebowski!

The writing staff keep calling into Larry King, with Tracy mistaking Pete for Peter Frampton, desperately trying to find Tracy’s money. Tracy gives Pete enigmatic clues that about how it’s in the safest place in 30 Rock and, although its always moving, it stays in the same place.

“If you’re just joining us, we’re with Tracy Jordan, who’s giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure.”

Liz meets with her phonenapper, but doesn’t have the phone ransom, until Kenneth arrives, hears Tracy’s clues broadcast over Larry King and realizes he is the safest place in 30 Rock, peeling open his jacket lining to reveal lots of moneys. He gives the phonenapper two grand and gets Liz her phone back. She apologizes and tells him that he’s her friend.

The next day, the panic about the Asian markets is revealed to be all for naught and that the American economy is just fine. Tracy gets blamed for all the hoopla and Elisa decides to leave for Puerto Rico anyway, telling Jack that she knows he only asked her to marry him out of panic. She does, however, give Jack and America a parting close-up of her boobs as she struggles to turn off the camera during her recorded message. A lovely parting gift.

I totally dug this episode. Full of insanity, complex story threads and some of the best things I’ve ever heard come out of Larry King’s mouth.

Two extra funny lines:

  • “Everything’s gone cocoa for cuckoopoops – is that right?” – Elisa
  • “Tracy Jordan, saying three serious things and then a joke.” – Larry King
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