The Husband:

It’s been a few weeks off, so let’s let Sunday’s episode of Desperate Housewives catch us up with all the happenings on Wisteria Lane. This week, we viewers were given a surprisingly good, if not entirely important, ep of DH that had all of its old school elements intact, making sure that each of the stories had their own little charms and quirks, and even if they ranged somewhat in quality, they all kept up at the level of satisfactory or higher.

Susan: Now that Katherine has moved in with Mike, Susan isn’t really sure what to think for herself, but she is definitely trying her best to be nice about it. But there is still jealousy within her, so when she visits them and points out to Katherine that the wonderful beach painting set on the mantelpiece was actually painted by Susan during her and Mike’s honeymoon, she gloats a bit inside that a piece of her is still in Mike’s heart. Katherine was unaware that the painting was Susan’s, though, so by the time the housewarming party comes around, the painting is nowhere to be found. Katherine tells Susan and Mike that it fell while she was dusting and was being repaired, but when Susan finds it hidden in the garage, she lets Mike know and thus throws the party into a small amount of chaos. But after some harsh words are exchanged, Katherine and Susan are on the same page and understand that they can indeed co-exist in Mike’s life and each other’s as well, because if Mike was to date anybody after the divorce, it’s good that it’s somebody Susan really likes.

Gaby: In a storyline that on paper sounds obnoxious but somehow through some bit of luck comes through as funny and noble, Gaby becomes sick of protecting Carlos’s boss’s affair with his mistress a secret, even if keeping that secret meant Carlos getting a major cash bonus at work. She decides to pay his hairdresser mistress a visit at the mall salon (ewwwww…) and pretends to fess up about her own story of dating a married man in order to get the hairdresser to feel some guilt, but the ruse, which gives Eva Longoria [Parker] perhaps her funniest scene in a long time, falls apart and she ends up yelling at the hairstylist about continuing to pursue Carlos’s boss. When the boss gets wind of this, he confronts Gaby, who tells him that she can no longer keep a secret, which in turn gets Carlos fired. He’s fine with this, though, because he hated his new job and his boss, and his boss goes off to tell his pregnant wife about the woman with whom he is in love. But when the Solises receive a call from his pregnant wife, they go over to their house to find Carlos’s boss dead on the ground with a knife in his back. And the show is given yet another murder plot.

Im glad that dudes dead. That job fucking sucked. Now me and Tom can drink beers at noon together.

I'm glad that dude's dead. That job fucking sucked. Now me and Tom can drink beers at noon together.

Bree and Lynette: While Bree has to deal with Orson’s growing resentment toward her due to him not being recognized as a valuable part of her company, as well as his growing obsession with stealing items from rude people in his life, she has taken it upon herself to help the Scavos find a job now that their pizzeria has gone belly-up. How does she do this? Well, her book publisher needs a new advertising account executive, and Lynette thinks this might be the perfect opportunity for Tom to get back into his old line of work and stop sitting around the house, sleeping in late and drinking beer at noon. But at the casual job interview/dinner at Bree’s, Tom does not want anybody to get a job for him, and he treats the interview with carelessness. However, when Lynette, also a former advertising executive, sees his laziness and decides that she herself should pursue the position instead, she sparks something in him and they basically battle each other at the table, coming up with reasons the other should not get the job. (e.g. Tom was actually Lynette’s employee until he got fired and later basically ran the pizzeria into the ground, Lynette’s cancer could return at any moment, etc.). This uncharacteristic Scavo pettiness turns off the publisher until he can no longer take it and leaves the house, leaving Tom and Lynette to realize how silly they were being, and that they both need to do anything they can in order to bring money back into the family to pay off their debts, legal and otherwise.

Oh, and Edie (now on her way to the grave by season’s end, thank God) discovers through Creepy Dave’s former priest about former residency in Fairview, and that Williams isn’t actually his last name. Hopefully Creepy Dave’s story can rev up very soon, because it’s been a whole lot of cock-teasing so far.

I was proud of this episode, because while Susan and Gaby got somewhat less important stories in the grand scheme of DH, the stories themselves were still well-written (to a point) and well-performed, because even if you’re saddled with a story about the emotional purpose of a painting, you should act like it’s the most important thing ever. All the elements were in place this week, nobody onscreen or off was phoning it in, and some great stuff got set up. I can’t exactly ask for more, can I?

But, oh man, what’s been going on with the Walkers of Pasadena? Well, they had their two-hour “movie event” two Sundays ago, and it brought the show some stellar ratings, but oddly, I can’t think of much actually happening during the episode. Here’s what I do recall:

While Rebecca brings her father back to Los Angeles after her New York trip, which turns mother Holly into a screaming mess, we get some big McCallister goings on. Although today is the day that Robert and Kitty’s surrogate mother is to give birth, Robert has some major political issues to deal with. Now that he is running for governor, he’s looking for the right time to announce his candidacy. However, when he has a talk with the current governor (a female Republican, which I can tell you is a bit of a ways off here in California), he discovers that his candidacy has already been leaked, and that he needs to do a press conference ASAP re: running for governor before anyone else can get to it. Problem is, this press conference is right at the same moment Kitty needs him at the hospital for the birth of their son, and when the Walker family, now at the hospital, sees Robert live on TV miles away, Kitty takes this as a sign that their recent problems are only going to grow. When Kevin (Robert’s director of communications, don’t forget) finally gets him off the podium, he tries to rush him to the hospital, only to have Robert collapse in the parking garage as a result of a heart attack. So now, at the same hospital at the same time, their son is being born and he is about to die from cardiac arrest. Brought back from death at the last moment, the doctor suggests they operate on Robert, even if it would hurt his chances as governor. The surgery goes through, and Robert gets Kevin to lie about his condition and say it wasn’t a big deal, which in turn worries Kitty that she basically married a liar and that raising their new kid together will be supremely difficult.

OH NOES! TANNING HAS DONE THIS TO HIM!

OH NOES! TANNING HAS DONE THIS TO HIM!

Oh, and Tommy’s in major trouble, but that goes right into this week’s episode, so let’s proceed. I must say that Balthazar Getty’s eventual exit from the show is going down in a very big, very complicated way, and it’s making for some way harsh drama.

So…yeah…you know how Tommy was setting up a scheme that would sneakily give Tommy all of evil Holly’s shares in Ojai Foods, and thus he would be able to fire her? Well, Holly (with help from daughter Rebecca) finally put all the pieces together and confronts Tommy about his horrible and illegal plan, screaming at him and then finally pressing criminal charges, as Tommy had embezzled a couple million dollars from their shared company (Tommy’s father, Papa Walker, was Holly’s lover, as we all know) to put this scheme into motion.

But while Tommy goes to court, the family decides to not tell Nora just yet. Why? Because Nora’s dealing with her own stuff, as Ryan the Missing Walker Who Goes to Berkeley finally used the open-ended plane ticket she gave him to come down to Pasadena to visit his previously unknown-to-him family. What does Ryan hope to accomplish? Well, since his mom is now dead, he needs to know who he truly is. Or something like that. You’d have to ask him.

And now we get about a 20-minute long Walker Clusterfuck, because the big look-our-family-is-getting-bigger dinner at Nora’s place turns into a multi-sided screaming match, as Ryan overhears the Walker Clan talk about Tommy’s legal troubles, then accidentally brings it up with Nora (thinking that she already knows about it), leading Nora to finally confront the increasingly stubborn Tommy about what he was possibly thinking in embezzling from his father’s company. Insulted that Nora would compare him to his adulterous and law-breaking father (well, come on Tommy, you two are both adulterers and criminals), he accuses Nora of turning a blind eye years ago to the problems since it afforded her such a lavish lifestyle, resulting in Nora providing Tommy with one of the best dramatic slaps I’ve seen in quite some time. Nora goes away from all the hubbub, only to scold Saul later for keeping Tommy’s scheme a secret, even if Saul warned him against it in the first place.

But the Walker Clusterfuck doesn’t end there, as seemingly everybody in the family is now against having Rebecca around them, as her mother could put Tommy (who has a wife and child) in jail for a very long time, even if it wasn’t her fault at all. (I think we can all agree that Tommy was being incredibly selfish and stupid throughout this entire ordeal.) Unfortunately, Holly won’t budge with the criminal case, even after having a sit-down with a desperately pleading Sarah, so any member of the Harper family is starting to look like the enemy.

And the biggest victim of this battle, at least in my opinion, is Justin and Rebecca, who after another round of bickering, finally break up. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The hotness is broken!) And who is there to pick up the broken Rebecca? A love-at-first-site Ryan, who visits the emotionally drained Rebecca at her house, leading to a closed door and a “to be continued” story thread.

I never thought that Justin and Rebecca’s earlier issues would result in a break-up, as they were usually stuff that could be dealt with simply by being more honest with each other, but Rebecca felt like she had to take her mother’s side and was sick of being attacked for something she didn’t do, and it was the last straw. It’s very sad to see this coupling end, and it’s especially tough to see the barely-involved-in-the-affairs-of-the-Walkers Ryan assert himself so quickly into Rebecca’s life — oh God, it’s going to get emotionally brutal really quickly, isn’t it? — and Brothers & Sisters continues to tear me apart.

Phew…what a gut-wrenching show. Not Big Love gut-wrenching, mind you, but man did Sunday’s episode bring me down. Great television, don’t forget that, but man is it hard to go to work after writing about all this madness. B&S, keep on keepin’ on.

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