The Husband:

Michael Sarver

Finally, Michael Sarver is gone. It had to happen sooner rather than later to keep my sanity, and I’m glad this is as far as it could have gone. I didn’t like a single one of his performances when the actual competition started, from his lame butchering of Gavin DeGraw and his completely unnecessary version of “You Are Not Alone” to, finally, being taken down this week by picking a song that, original aside, I can’t help but compare to Ruben Studdard and George Huff’s versions. (And, well, Kevin Kline, Mary Kay Place, Jeff Goldblum et al dancing to it in The Big Chill.) Point is, it’s a loaded song.

So, let me ask you something. Is there anybody out there who would have preferred to see Michael Sarver over Alexis Grace on the Idol tour? Raise your hand. [pause] Well, you’re stupid. You would honestly rather see a linebacker-type boy bleat on the stage for 2+ hours than see somebody with performance chops, spunk and true stage presence, just because she had one bad week? Blech. I think Kara DioGuardi put it best during Fox Reality Channel’s weekly special American Idol Extra that Michael didn’t understand the difference between being a singer and being an artist, and his days were numbered.

Speaking Of American Idol Extra

This is a really cool show, and if you have cable, I’d suggest watching/TiVoing it. It gives us a nice bit of extra time with the contestants and gives us answers we normally wouldn’t expect.

Some of the nice little tidbits from this week:

  • Adam likes Gossip Girl
  • Anoop is really into crossword puzzles
  • Allison likes ABBA
  • Kris owns up to owning a CD by Kris Kross
  • Matt Giraud is really into Disney movies

Also, interesting development, Michael isn’t really that into country music. He fesses up to having a “country heart,” but having grown up in a big town in Louisiana before moving to Texas, it wasn’t necessarily his music of choice. Well, you fooled us, Michael, and I would have loved to seen, maybe, a more rocker edge instead of the namby-pamby sweet country boy nonsense that became your persona and your voting base.

Also, while I miss Gina Glockson, Ace Young is a surprisingly good co-host. And his new Kenickie hair (he, along with fellow s5 Idol contestant Taylor Hicks, did Grease on Broadway) is a vast improvement over his wavy Tarzan bullshit when he was on the show, and even when he made a cameo on Rock Of Love Charm School. Dude, what if there’s a Kenickie curse, and Ace Young, 30 years down the line, ends up like Jeff Conaway? Man, VH1 destroys my concepts of celebrity.

Adam Lambert

The Vampire Lambert: Slicked and Smooth for Motown Week.

The Vampire Lambert: Slicked and Smooth for Motown Week.

I was kind of hoping to prove a point, that starting with Ace Young in s5, there would be what I call an Ace Young Curse. This is when somebody with trademark hair slicks it all back to fit into a certain theme week on Idol and somehow loses their fan base. It happened with Ace during Big Band Week, which got him voted off the show. And if Adam Lambert, who turned his crazy spikes into a Muddy Waters coif, would have dropped considerably in votes (believe me, I don’t want him off by any means), I would have had an official curse to trademark. But, according to DialIdol, he was the top vote-getter this week. Well, whatever. He did an incredible job this week, so I’m willing to give up a trademark for that.

Lil & Danny

It seems that each week I can lump my critiques of Lil and Danny into one. This week, both bored the shit out of me by simply singing a song’s melody with nary a personality- and vote-increasing variation. Do both feel so confident and safe that they can’t be bothered to have any fun with their choices? I don’t like any contestant to feel safe. While I still like Danny (hard to tell, I know), I simply won’t vote for him until he gets tossed into a bottom three or even a bottom two, which I think will put a fire under his ass and teach him to make every moment he’s onstage count.

The Final Song

A lot of people seem to really hate the final sing-for-your-life performance, calling it desperate and sad. Me, I think it’s a major improvement over the send-off performance of seasons past. I always felt that to be sad, underperformed and simply a producer’s way to end a show on a high note. But it always seemed like wasted time. Now, we get somebody putting energy and fight into their performance, not feeling safe, and doing what they should have done in the first place, which is to inspire. I just think that Simon could perhaps be a tad nicer about rejecting them at the end. Or maybe he could hand the task over to the other judges. (Not Paula. When asked to give the final verdict last night, she almost melted into a puddle of sad.)

The Children Of Saint Clare Kibosh

This is going to be a regular thing, the COSC Kibosh, wherein I scream to the Idol gods to ban certain songs from ever getting performed again. This week, I have two songs to destroy.

#1. “(Love Is Like A) Heat Wave.” If it can nearly destroy Jennifer Hudson (who I remember Simon describing as “mad” when she sang the song), it would have no chance with Lil. It’s gone, buds.

#2. “For Once In My Life.” You’re not gonna do it as well as Stevie Wonder, and it might end up terribly embarrassing you. I think I’m done with Megan Joy after this week. That was just all kinds of wrong.

The Wife:

For this week’s Idol Fashion Review, let me start by praising Adam Lambert for doing something incredibly bold and unexpected by reminding me that he is, in fact, a working actor. And a good one. That shiny, shiny suit (like Barney Stinson’s suitjamas, actually) and the slicked back hair cemented something I noticed during his polarizing (but fucking awesome!) performance of “Ring of Fire” last week: the dude looks like Elvis. There was a shot of him on the big screen last week where he looked exactly like an early-Vegas-years Elvis, and this week, he inhabited the body and hair of the Elvis America fell in love with. He transformed himself, and, in doing so, made his performance as transcendent as is possible on Idol.

Adam Lambert is a fucking star. And if he doesn’t win, I think he will soon become the pinnacle of Idols on Broadway. Previously, I thought he’d only be good in shows with bombast like Wicked, or rocker shows like Rent or Spring Awakening (as Mortiz, not Melchior), but now I am convinced that he can do anything. He has opened up a whole new world of possibilities to Broadway casting directors with this performance, and I would definitely see Jersey Boys again if he were playing that falsetto-loving Frankie Valli.

I feel like she bought this at a cheap boutique on Melrose, but it's still pretty cute.

I feel like she bought this at a cheap boutique on Melrose, but it's still pretty cute.

The ladies all looked great this week. Lil Rounds made an excellent decision to wear that retro wig and don a flapper outfit, which is possibly the first thing I think she’s looked good in since that yellow-and-black number from the Top 36 episodes. Megan belongs in cute, short colorful things that are kind of weird but kind of cute, and she was back in a bright blue bubble hemmed dress this week, complete with 70s Hawaiian hotel singer hair and a little flower. On anyone else, this look would have bombed, but it worked on her. Kudos. As for tiny dynamo Allison Iraheta, I am so glad that she took on a more Kelly Clarkson-meets-Fergie type look this week, with the cool turqouise tunic and chains and the strange leggings. She looked young, she looked hip and she looked like a fucking star, as well as imminently more approachable than when she was dressing like she smoked ciggies behind the dumpster at her school a few weeks back. The girl is a rocker in her soul, and she knows how to embody that, both in her style of dress and with every performance she gives on this show.

Three of the boys need some attention here: Anoop, Kris and Scott. I loved Anoop’s 70s-style collegiate bowling jacket, because I think he’s best when he tries to nod to his academic career in his clothing. (But if he ever sports an honest-to-God letterman’s jacket, that will be one step too far.) Scott wore pink pants, and he knew he was wearing pink pants, and I am offended that someone in the wardrobe department thought those would be a good idea to put on a blind man — as though they wanted the bloggers to write jokes about it. I think they were trying to give him a sort of extra-on-Life on Mars vibe, but the pink pants with the pinstripe chocolate blazer and the pale paisley shirt just came off as . . . douchey. I’m extra confused by that ensemble because, last time I checked, it was Motown week, not BeeGees week. So . . . why didn’t he get a suit? Wouldn’t that have made more sense?

And then there’s Kris Allen’s shirt, which reminded me of what a guard would wear in a Nazi prison camp. There’s only a certain kind of man that shirt works on, and Kris Allen is not it. (But if Adam Lambert had worn it, I might have thought it was cool. Or even if Randy Jackson had worn it.) I kind of don’t like Kris because he is a dead ringer for a friend’s ex-husband, but I’m trying not to hold that against the guy. He is a good singer, but I want him to return to the boy-next-door vibe he’s been cultivating this season. I like him much better in plaid button downs, jeans and flip flops. It suits him.

Just . . . no.

Just . . . no.

But, overall, this week was pretty good for the Idols. I think they (and the wardrobe) department are kind of getting it. They’re packaging themselves better, and showing off their post-Idol potential.

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