The Husband:

The Judges’ Save had to be used this week. Pretty much guaranteed. Had it waited until next week, they would have been forced to use it just to prove that it wasn’t a worthless threat. Not only that, then they would have had to save somebody from Disco Week, which will in my foresight probably be kryptonite to at least half of the contestants. (All 3.5 of them.)

Here, it was to save a rather talented performer, one who has continued to surprise, going for a very bad song selection. And as a result, I must now reintroduce the Children Of Saint Clare Kibosh on both the Bryan Adams songs used this week. Sorry “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” from Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves. It’s just too easy of a choice, and even delivering a rather heartfelt and unique rendition of it, as Anoop did this week, could still get your ass in the bottom three. And, of course, the craptacular “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?” from Don Juan DeMarco also gets the COSC Kibosh, as it’s a piece of shit that was somehow nominated for an Oscar, and even somebody like Chris Daughtry back in s5 (you know, the guy who proved that ending up in fourth place can still make you a megastar) couldn’t do a good job no matter how hard they tried.

Thank you for not sending me back to that dueling piano bar where I work!

Thank you for not sending me back to that dueling piano bar where I work!

(I pointed out to my wife that the song from Don Juan DeMarco was so bad, it lost the Best Original Song Oscar to Pocahontas’ “Colors of the Wind,” but I had forgotten that, in the same year, Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got A Friend” and Bruce Springsteen’s “Dead Man Walking” were also in contention, and either would have been superior choices for the award. But why Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Eddie Vedder’s better Dead Man Walking song, “The Face of Love,” wasn’t nominated in Springsteen’s place is a reason I really hate the Oscar category some of the time. It’s all political, bitches.)

This COSC Kibosh, however, does not completely eliminate Bryan Adams from the competition. I still think “Heaven” and “Summer of ‘69” could be worthy additions to the Idol repertoire (or has “Heaven” already been done once?), as they are better and less sappy songs.

As for the rest of the folks, Kris Allen made the smartest decision to go with “Falling Slowly” from Once, a glorious song well-suited to his talents. (I’ll let my wife talk about the ‘net’s reaction to choosing this song.) But, honestly, you know who could have done it better? I hate to say it, but Danny Gokey. He would have nailed it. But, as usual, Gokey is a lazy song selector, and no matter how well he may croon a Lionel Ritchie schmaltz fest, his laziness will always bother me. And yes, I do think it matters, because that means if he wins Idol and makes the 19 Entertainment record, he won’t have any discerning tastes and will end up with a piece of shit album. This stuff matters, people.

His mind's made up.

His mind's made up.

I actually have to give Lil Rounds some credit for reaching into the Bette Midler handbag and pulling out the gorgeous “The Rose,” because it told me that she was finally thinking outside the box. Maybe she wasn’t as lazy of a song selector as, say, Lakisha back in s6. But she couldn’t figure out how to transfer it to her own skills despite a half-assed attempt at “churching” it up. And her post-critique attitude was completely uncalled for, as she has seemed to completely misunderstood the difference between musician and artist that Simon brought up last week. Lil, he wasn’t telling you to pick a different kind of song; he was telling you to be your own performer no matter what the song, instead of a well-voiced karaoke performer. Don’t get mad at him because you fucked up. You can pick any song in the world, but if you’re not making an individual impression and creating your own persona, you’re nothing.

As for this week’s decision to split up the judges’ panel into two groups of two, and yet still managed to run over into Fringe, I think it was an okay idea executed poorly. But me? I have a solution. It’s called A COUNTDOWN CLOCK! Give each judge a gigantic red sign that counts down from, say, 25 seconds to zero, and when it hits that big “0,” shut your mouth. Secondly, tell Paula and Simon to stop interrupting each other, because not only is it a waste of time, it’s disrespectful to the contestants. Both are equally guilty of this crime. Third, tell the judges to ignore the audience. No matter how loud they may get, we can still hear every word the judges say on the microphones, because they are DIRECTIONAL MICROPHONES. The sound of their voice is what’s being picked up the highest, because it’s right in front of their fucking mouths. If the crowd stars booing, don’t hesitate, don’t talk back and don’t worry. They’re just people who waited in line for six hours in the crappy Los Angeles sun and have zero clue what they’re talking about.

Except for the Observer. He knows what’s up.

And yes, the song choices were mostly kind of balls across the board. I know that Idol only has a short list of what songs can actually be selected, but these are a few songs, for example, that would have been better. And these are just the songs that won Oscars. This isn’t even counting the many worthy nominations in the category in years past. (Shit, like 1999’s “When She Loved Me” from Toy Story II or Aimee Mann’s “Save Me” from Magnolia, which both lost to [shudder] Phil Collins.)

(Thanks be to Wikipedia for this list.)

  • “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (Lil could have turned into a jazz queen with this)
  • “Flashdance…What a Feeling” (you know, the good song from that movie)
  • “I’m Easy” (even Megan Joy could have done well with this had she been around)
  • “Into The West” (I actually would have loved to see Gokey go against type and do this Annie Lennox song. It would have been made of actual emotion and not just whatever it is that he gives us every week)
  • “Streets Of Philadelphia” (Giraud would have done this justice)
  • “Take My Breath Away” (Allison did a good job with Aerosmith, but imagine if she pulled off this Berlin song with her trademark roughness. It would have brought down the house.)

Okay, I know I’m going to hell for this, but I would have loved to have seen Anoop just completely fuck with everybody’s mind if he dressed up like Aladdin, full wardrobe, and did “One Jump Ahead” with full choreography and blocking, and the Ricky Minor band could have done the ensemble work, like have the trumpeters yell “Scoundrel!” and “Take that!”

The Wife:

But how could Anoop get an Aladdin outfit when he was too busy doing the ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO and donning an honest-to-God letterman’s jacket? Okay, it was the bastard love child of a letterman’s jacket and a blazer, but still, that was the one collegiate look I asked him not to do, and he ignored me. And you know what it did? It got him in the bottom three. (Look, I realize it was mostly the song that did that, but I’m going to pretend it was also the jacket. Because it was a shitty song, but he sang it well. Thus, I think America voted nay on the over-the-top jacket.)

Everything I do, I do it so you won't wear this damn jacket again!

Everything I do, I do it so you won't wear this damn jacket again!

I’m running out of things to say about this show, fashion-wise, as the contest is a sausage fest and the guys have definitely got their signature looks figured out. Lil still desperately needs Tim Gunn’s help, going from another strange black vest concoction on performance night to a lime green shirtdress made out of the worst polyester in the world on elimination night. She got longer extensions this week, which made me realize that she’s a lot prettier with shorter hair and that she probably should have kept it short for the whole competition. I’m afraid someone told her that she wasn’t getting America’s votes because she didn’t look feminine enough, or something, but that advice has lead her down a long, dark path of hair extensions cast-off from Tyra’s modelettes. Let me remind her that Fantasia had a super butch haircut back in Season 3 . . . and that lady won.

I wasn’t fond of Allison’s performance garb, especially the twice-tucked corner of her black shirtdress, but it was way cuter than the rainbow-sherbert concoction she decided to wear for eliminations. Allison, honey, I know you’re 16, but you are on national television. You are not going bowling with your friends; you have to look like the rock star we know you are. Please don’t disappoint me again.

And on a couple of non-fashion related notes, I wish Adam Lambert hadn’t chosen “Born to Be Wild,” but what he did to it totally reminds me of his performances at The Zodiac Show. Like this one:

(Yes, I have been stalking him on YouTube!)

But I am super-duper glad Kris Allen chose “Falling Slowly” from Once, the most amazing little Oscar-winning musical movie ever! I am a Kara defender, but I wanted to punch ladyface in the teeth when she dubbed the song “obscure.” As my husband mentioned above (and I just did, too), it won an Oscar very recently. People may not have seen Once, but they have encountered the song. And I cannot be happier that the Internet exploded yesterday with searches for the movie, the song and the lyrics — all because of Kris Allen. So, perhaps Kara was right, and its obscure for Idol‘s audience. But it won’t remain obscure much longer.

I couldn’t find the scene from the film in which that song appears on the YouTube, but here’s Fox Searchlight’s official music video thing of the song and clips from the film:

And here’s another song from the film, that I totally love called “When Your Mind’s Made Up:”

Featuring one song from Once on Idol’s approved song list almost made up for two shitty Bryan Adams songs, and I can only be thankful that Idol and Kris Allen brought more people to this lovely little indie film.