The Wife:

A horrible thing almost happened this week on Make Me a Supermodel. We almost lost Jonathan. And I still don’t understand how. I mean, did the photographer not see at all what he was giving during his photoshoot for Rowdy? Dude fucking hung upside down in a doorway and gave mad face — how could they possible not have chosen at least one shot of Jonathan over that lonely, far-off shot of Branden?

Nonetheless, props to the max to the editors for making us all think that because Sandhurst and Jonathan know they’re the best and that Branden is by far the least talented of the remaining models, that Branden would be the one to not appear in any shots. The challenge, by the way, was to get in as many of the final six shots as possible by being fucking awesome. The girls also bitched and moaned about how their hair and makeup took longer so they were at a shot disadvantage, but, presumably because the girls have breasts, they ended up being in more shots than any of the boys.

I mean, really, why wouldn't you choose more shots of these fine ladies?

I mean, really, why wouldn't you choose more shots of these fine ladies?

Here’s the final tally:

Mountaha: 3 photos

Salome: 4 photos

Jordan: 3 photos

Branden: 2 photos

Jonathan: 1 photo, which is the wrongest thing I’ve ever seen

Sandhurst: 2 photos

Per the rules of the game, Salome was awarded the win, much to the chagrin of her fellow contestants who constantly complain that she wins all these photoshoots but never books jobs, which, frankly, tells me that she’s a great print model, but not a good runway model. (I see their argument in that the show isn’t called Make Me a Print Model, but Make Me a Supermodel, implying the winner should be able to do all types of modeling.) She was sent on a go-see for Alice + Olivia, and brought Mountaha with her (since she brought Jordan last time).

While Salome and Mountaha were out strutting their stuff, Nicole Trunfio took the remaining models to a salon to get “next-level makeovers.” This basically meant that nothing happened to Sandhurst, Branden got some wax put in his hair and Jordan threw a fit before putting herself in the hands of the stylist who darkened her look. But then there was Jonathan, so clearly distraught from a challenge he (and I) completely misread that he thought he should make a drastic change. So he cut his hair very short and took it very dark, erasing his sun-kissed golden god look and basically becoming . . . Jude Law. This was not an entirely bad makeover, but I liked Jonathan as he was before. Even Sandhurst felt that the makeover made Jonathan lose some of his glow.

At the go-see, the folks from Alice + Olivia loved Salome’s angelic face and thought that, even though she’s a little bigger than most girls on the runway, they really liked her for the brand. Mountaha didn’t have the right look for Alice + Olivia clothing, and was deemed not quite edgy enough to transcend/juxtapose romantic clothing. They told Salome they were considering her for their summer collection, which is better than all of the outright rejections she’d received before. Mountaha and Salome joined their competitors at the salon post-go-see where Mountaha was made blonder and Salome, for some reason, got a strange exaggerated bob weave, about which she remarked that she never thought she’d have a weave because she thought they were for black people. She’s kind of right: just look at all of the white girls Tyra gives weaves to and notice how they absolutely don’t know how to take care of them about halfway through the season over on ANTM. White girls just don’t know how to take care of a weave.

At the Catwalk Challenge, the models were asked to learn to use Heelys and incorporate skating into their catwalk. Jordan was afraid she’d be the worst at this, and she was, but even so she opted not to trade in her Heelys for high heels. Jonathan really stepped it up here and, knowing he’d done poorly in the photoshoot, learned to skate backwards down the runway, which certainly secured him another week on the show. The outfits for this challenge were straight up wacky, like stuff you might see in a neon raver version of Godspell, and Mountaha got the worst of them all, but still managed to rock it.

Wigga-wha?

Wigga-wha?

In the end, Mountaha was given immunity this week, and Jordan was sent home after a very intense discussion in which I thought they might oust Salome (because Marlon straight up hates her body) or Jonathan (because everyone at panel thinks he over-models sometimes), but they sent home one of the right people. It would have been better to see Branden go, but Jordan is such a pill that I’m glad to be rid of her bitchface.

My ideal top 4 would be Jonathan, Sandhurst, Mountaha and Salome. Branden has to go next week, because if he makes it into the finals, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong for any of those far superior models.