The Husband:

And so, another season of Desperate Housewives down, and while much of it petered out with nary a care, it set up a few storylines that have a great deal of potential.

But you really want to know what happened with Creepy Dave, right? Well, through various channels, everybody (Susan, Mike, Mrs. McClusky, Lily Tomlin, the cops, Stephen Spinella’s secretary) finally figure out that Dave is actually David Dash, whose family was killed in the car accident we saw at the season opener. But by the time Susan is told, it is too late as she and M.J. are accompanying Dave on a fishing trip. But with enough intervention, she staves him off long enough for Mike to show up, long enough for Dave to look into the backseat and see his daughter in the place of M.J.’s chubby face, and long enough for him to grow a conscious, get M.J. out of the car, and put only himself in the crash, hoping to finally reunite with his family. While he doesn’t die, he goes crazy enough so as to live inside his family fantasy while attending a mental institution.

Yes, the drama with Creepy Dave’s story petered out many episodes ago, and once we learned his plan, we realized it was way too obvious and kind of dumb. And so his sudden tonal shift during the climax of the episode was pretty anticlimactic, but at the same time felt right enough as a story end. But so far, it seems that the only mystery on DH to last an entire season without starting to get boring was the gigantic one in s1 with the childnapping and the murder and the conspiracies and whatnot. Even s4’s commendable Kathryn Mayfair mystery took some strange turns when Melora Walters showed up and fucked with Nathan Fillion’s happy life.

This cast looks so much nicer without Nicollette Sherridan, no?

This cast looks so much nicer without Nicollette Sherridan, no?

As for Bree, her divorce drama seems to only be beginning, as Orson has finally found out about her robbery plot, only to be accosted by a heavy hired by Karl to “let go,” leading him to rethink his relationship with Bree, while she has an ill-advised make-out session with the slimy Karl, who has done nothing but fuck with other people’s lives during the entire run of this show.

Lynnette’s story fares a little bit better, as Tom, while taking Preston on a campus tour, realizes his newfound passion – to go back to school and study Chinese in order to break into the 21st century market. But Lynnette isn’t keen on this at first, going so far as to get him drunk the night before the college’s entrance exam, only to have it backfire and him passing with flying colors. But then she starts to realize that she is feeling ill, immediately calling her doctor. But it’s not cancer. She’s actually pregnant. Again. With twins. Anybody with a brain would point out that being pregnant at this age would result with almost statistical certainty that their newborns would suffer from many mental/developmental problems if they even make it to birth, but I guess that’s an argument for next season if the show is even willing to get that honest.

And, surprisingly, my favorite storyline setup for next season involves Gaby. As they are finally wealthy again, Carlos’ aunt guilt-trips them into taking in the Aunt’s granddaughter, who has bounced from house to house, and giving her a proper home. But the teenaged girl, Anna, is more than the Solises expected. A wiz at getting men to do things for her, including do her chores and buy her expensive dresses, Gaby sees an extreme version of her youth but several steps further, a woman on the path of perhaps becoming an escort down the line, but at the very least a manipulative tease who could convince anybody of anything. And she is the first character in a long time to truly act as a conniving, mustache-twirling villain, something this show has sorely lacked for quite some time. In the past couple of seasons, DH had decided to take its villains, such as Creepy Dave and pre-time-jump Kathryn, and humanize them. Unfortunately, subtlety is not Marc Cherry’s forte, and so this reach back to the glory days of DH provides viewers like me with someone I can love to hate. There is a lot of potential in this storyline, especially now that it seems that Carlos may be the one to succumb to adultery instead of s1 Gaby. Juicy, indeed.

And, of course, there’s the big final question, which is who is under the veil marrying Mike? Is it poor Kathryn, who has worked so hard to gain Mike’s love, or is it ex-wife Susan, who potentially reunites romantically with Mike after all the Creepy Dave drama and the whole Jackson-being-deported thing? We’ll know in September. Me? I’m hoping for Kathryn, but would accept it either way.

I’ll see you guys around next season, which will hopefully have a much better warm-up in its first few episodes than the first handful this season, which I still think were jarring and uncharacteristic for such a fun show.