The Wife:

Thank you, Wade and Amanda Robson. That opening number is exactly how you stage a fucking show, ya’ll. And probably the most dynamic use of the dancers we’ve seen so far this year. I’m embedding it below so you all can watch it, because it was almost too awesome for words.

I really liked the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon elements where Jeanine “wirewalks” over the backs of the male dancers. (At least, I think the white geisha was Jeanine, based on height and hairstyle. Jeanette and Randi were in black, while Kayla and Melissa were in red. I think.) And I was totally impressed with how well that number covered that stage, drawing the eye to each part of it at different times, relying on isolated segments from pairs of dancers before coming together as a whole. In some ways, and maybe this was just the Asian theme, it reminded me a little bit of a Cirque du Soleil piece. If there were a terrestrially-based dance piece in Ka, for instance, this one might be it.

When Cat emerged from the Ang Lee dance sea, she and her sparkly sack of a dress followed my lead and kicked things off by congratulating the Emmy-nominated choreographers. I’m really, really happy that the producers put together a package recapping these dances. Admittedly, when I was reading yesterday morning’s nominations (and I went straight to the Choreography category just to write this article, only later reading all the way through and emailing my husband a completely incoherent “live blog” style mess of my reactions to things), I had to struggle to remember the piece Dmitry Chaplin choreographed. In fact, I only recognized it when I saw the clip of it last night, and my husband reminded me of my reaction upon first seeing it because there is a section with a chair tipping that literally defies gravity. It even took a minute to remember Tyce’s piece, and that’s only because I didn’t remember what the music was. So if any of you also have some trouble remembering and don’t feel like looking things up on YouTube on your own, below are the four Emmy-nominated dances:

Mia Michaels, “Mercy,” performed by Stephen “Twitch” Boss and Katee Shean

Tyce DiOrio, “Silence” (Adam and Eve), performed by Jessica King and William Wingfield

Tabitha and Napoleon D’umo, “Bleeding Love,” performed by Chelsie Hightower and Mark Kanemura

Dmitry Chaplin, “A Los Amigos,” performed by Joshua Allen and Chelsie Hightower

Now that the onus of eliminating dancers has fallen on the voting American public, Nigel took the night off to fly back to Bedfordshire, England where the University of Bedfordshire saw fit to award the dancer/choreographer/very wealthy television producer with an honorary Doctorate of Arts. I’m all for recognizing people’s achievements and such, but there’s something about an honorary doctorate that makes me ever so slightly miffed at the fact that I’m going to have to work very, very hard to earn mine. This is not to say that Nigel hasn’t done his fair share of work outside of academia, because he obviously has, but I still crinkle my nose just a little bit. I guess I’ll just have to consider the Dizzy Feet Foundation his honorary dissertation.

Cat assembled all the female dancers to reveal America’s votes, which sent Randi and Melissa to the silver stools of doom (borrowed from American Idol a few soundstages down!) along with Kupono and Ade from the boys’ side. Randi and Kupono I expected (and wanted) to see in the bottom two this week, but Melissa and Ade? What? Why did this former partnership find its way to the silver stools of doom? Is there some residual hatred from Melissa I don’t know about? Or did Brandon just upstage her during their trippy hippie number on Wednesday night? And Ade? That just baffles me. He nearly died for your entertainment, America! What’s wrong with you?!

As the bottom four dancers went off to prepare for their totally unnecessary solos, Cat told us that next week, PTL, Ellen Degeneres will be joining the judging panel and that the results show will bring back dancers from past seasons to perform some of our favorite routines including Travis and Heidi’s “Bench” routine, Hok and Jessi’s “Hummingbird,” and, even more important than the Katie! Katie! Katie! Does Judy! Judy! Judy! piece from Tyce DiOrio, Wade Robson’s “Rama Lama Bang Bang.” YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! RAMALAMALAMALAMALAMALAMA! Zombie Dance! PTL! OMG! My favorite dance ever! No, really. This is my favorite dance ever. The first time I saw it, it filled me with such joy that ever since, Magen and I will sometimes greet each other by holding our hands like zombies and saying “Ramalamalamalamalama” in a terribly annoying high-pitched voice. Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! So excited!

Randi, Kupono, Melissa and Ade came out to perform their solos again, and Randi and Kupono decided to do so in different outfits. Neither of these new outfits could change the results, but I have to say that I enjoyed Kupono’s dance ever so slightly more when he was dressed as an arctic genie rather than a gay zombie. (I may not be into neon foxtails as epaulettes, but I’m kind of into wearing a wing as one. If he’d worn that wing as a hat, it’d have made the late Isabella Blow very proud indeed.) Still, arctic genies and gay zombies aside, America had decided it was time for both Randi and Kupono to go home, and all was right with the world. Fox still hasn’t mentioned Kupono’s furniture collection, but I have to say that I was very happy they chose his sneer in the addiction piece as the final shot of his farewell package, which was fittingly his best work on the show.

The Black Eyed Peas also performed their single “I Gotta Feeling” which is infectious and lovely, even if parts of the performance didn’t totally make sense. A. Why was Fergie carrying a sex toy? B. What was the point of having that girl in yellow pop out just to take her top off? C. Where did all those back-up dancers come from? D. Why wasn’t this the first single off The E.N.D. rather than “Boom Boom Pow”? Much like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world may never know the answers to these questions.

The Husband:

Is it just me, or does Kupono look like Dhalsim from Street Fighter during his solo?

Answer: only in his arctic genie outfit.

Answer: only in his arctic genie outfit.