The Wife:

Okay. I think I hate Amy Jurgens more than any other fictional character on television right now. Remember how last week she was all, “Watch my baby so I can go to Italy with Ben?” Well, now it seems she’s had another complete change of mind and has decided that no one’s going to tell her she can’t go to Italy and she’s taking the baby with her. (She must read my blog.) Never mind that she doesn’t have a passport (and, at this point, probably doesn’t have the time to get one), that John doesn’t have a passport or that she has responsibilities at her job that disallow her from disappearing for an entire summer. And how will she pay for her plane ticket? She really hasn’t earned the Boykevitch good graces enough recently to support her expectation that they should pay for her stay. In fact, I’m very happy Ben is standing up to her bullshit these last few weeks. I love Ben and his love for Amy but there’s really no point in allowing Amy to get away with her stank-ass attitude. Maybe if he goes away for the summer, she’ll learn to appreciate him more and will just stop all the fucking yelling.

God, its like no one thinks Im responsible or something!

God, it's like no one thinks I'm responsible or something!

However, for as much as I totally hate Amy these days, I do have to give Shailene Woodley some major props for giving us her most truthful acting performance in the entire three seasons she’s been doing this. The scene where she and her somewhat-estranged besties Madison and Lauren eat lunch while discussing her father’s possible vasectomy and the completely ridiculous notion that is high school students discussing such a thing was utterly real in its delivery. For once, Amy seemed like a real person to me, rather than . . . whatever she normally is. An idiot? That sounds about right.

This episode really was about George’s vasectomy, though, and Grace’s inability to keep a secret, which spread around the school like Chlamydia the idea that Anne’s baby might actually belong to her soon-to-be-ex-husband (rather than to the wealthy boyfriend who tricks her into designing her own totally green dream home!). But although everyone talked about it a lot, none of that buzz made it back to Anne, and so more minutes of my time were wasted. Even more time was wasted on the Betty the Escort storyline, as pretty much everyone but Ben knows she’s a hooker, but he’s steadfast in his belief that his dad wouldn’t marry a hooker. Betty even wanted to tell him herself, but ended up telling him she was named court reporter of the month, which is now my new euphemism for prostitute.

I think the only plotline of any substance this week was Ricky’s quest for emancipation and his foray into becoming an actual responsible adult, not just some sex-addict douchebag impregnation machine. His conversation with his foster parents about why he wants to become an emancipated minor was very earnest and was as much about his love for them (he doesn’t want them to pay to keep taking care of him, as he gets kicked out of the system when he turns 18) as it was about his need to establish himself as a man and provide a home for his child. I’m also really glad that he stood up to Amy about potentially taking John off to Europe without his consent. I wouldn’t be surprised if, the minute Ricky becomes legally emancipated, he draws up actual legal custody papers for Amy with regards to John’s care. I mean, someone needs to because that girl clearly can’t make adult decisions, despite what she thinks.

I can also only commend him for asking Bunny (Kathy Kinney) for permission to ask The Sausage King for more hours so that he could save money and get his own place. I was also very happy to see that kind of self-driven, goal-oriented decision making be rewarded when The Sausage King offers to let Ricky live in the family apartment above the butcher shop, rent free, so long as he fixes it up and maintains the unit. First of all, Steve Schirrippa is the nicest person ever. Second of all, I kind of want Steve Schirrippa to be my dad. (In actuality, my dad is a little bit like Steve Schirrippa, so I’m not really too far off there.) I’m sure that offering Ricky the family apartment will cause further tension between Ricky and Ben, but I’m really happy for Ricky. I want to see him turn his life around, and the steps he’s taking toward doing so read like an ad from Fatherhood.org. I do not, however, understand why Adrian isn’t happy about this turn of events and is upset that her mother and father haven’t gotten a house for her and Ricky to have sex in. She has a car. What’s the problem with going to visit Ricky at his apartment? It’s not like she’s got parents that give a damn about where she chooses to spend her time. Maybe she’s been taking some of whatever crazy, illogical pills Amy has been taking.

Oddly funny things:

  • “That would be a pretty big lie. I don’t even know if I’m capable of telling a lie like that.” – George, who is actually really good at lying.
  • “The dollar isn’t worth a peso in Europe.” – George, speaking the fucking truth.
  • “Why would you tell me about Mr. Jurgens when I’m trying to read Doonesbury?” – Tom, asking a really, really good question.
  • I also found myself being strangely covetous of Betty the Escort’s pyramid stud bracelet.
  • I also noticed that most of the high school girls had cute new handbags. Did this show’s costume department suddenly get money? Is that where Amy’s green pleather mini came from?