The Husband:

I’m going to keep this short, because it’s been a full week since I watched these episodes of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters, and since neither show will be back on television until April 19, I don’t really feel like too many people are going to come looking for this article with any frequency or questions.

So up first is the quick good and bad bits of last week’s DH.

Good

  • The complete collapse of Lesley Boone as Carlos’ VP, as a frustrated, overworked Lynette got her to mistake Carlos and Gaby’s kids as those of the non-English-speaking Hispanic custodian. A damn good way to go out and a good instance of two of the “housewives” banding together to take down a common enemy
  • The horribly psychotic and violent drawings done by Susan’s ex-husband’s son. Hilarious.
  • Edie is finally dead. (Fingers crossed that she’s not just injured. I’ve been waiting for this waste of a character to be gone since she fake-hanged herself at the end of s3.) And it wasn’t enough to kill her once. They killed her in three ways. First, Creepy Dave strangled her when she tried to call 911, but then let go right before she was to gasp her last breath. Then she drove her car into a telephone poll after swerving to avoid Cat Burglar Orson (don’t ask), and barely survived that, then got out of her car and electrocuted herself on the stray electrical wires from said fallen telephone poll. Dead dead dead.
Is it too soon for me to say Ding Dong?

Is it too soon for me to say "Ding Dong?"

Bad

  • Everything with Orson. Just…don’t ask. It’s lame. And if the rumors are true, this is his last season. What a lame way to go out.
  • Creepy Dave’s lame ultimate plan for revenge against Mike Delfino, which just basically was going on a cabin/camping trip with Mike and Katherine, then pretending to sleep while they left to go hiking, and then shooting at Katherine while they hiked, thus making Mike feel the torture Creepy Dave felt when his family was “killed.” And it was all foiled by Edie calling his cell phone, making him miss his mark.

So now onto Brothers & Sisters, where I think I can actually formulate some paragraphs.

So after all that build-up, what with Tommy embezzling money from Ojai Foods in order to concoct an illegal scheme to get Holly to give over her shares in the company which would thusly dethrone her, the entire thing just disappears. How? Even though Tommy is still on the run after ditching Justin and Kevin in Baja and cannot be reached, Sarah took it upon herself to reassert herself as a major businesswoman at Ojai Foods, leaving Greenatopia behind to fend for themselves. (In a nice way, but she’s still ditching them.) So then, at her first Ojai Foods board meeting, she and Nora, with their mere presence, basically convince Holly to drop all charges against Tommy, because the case itself would seriously damage the company and its insistence on being a family legacy.

Well…that was easy. I was expecting that to last through the rest of the season. But it did get Balthazar Getty to remove himself from the show, at least temporarily, until he is relegated to a semi-recurring guest spot next week. Nobody likes you, Tommy. And the case also managed to break up Justin and Rebecca, a.k.a. the hottest couple on prime-time soap television, leaving the increasingly evil Ryan the Missing Walker to be her creepy rebound guy. (Never mind that he has roped Rebecca into looking for evidence regarding his mother’s “suicide” and whether or not the dead Papa Walker was somehow responsible.) Hopefully Justin and Rebecca could get over this and go back to making sweet sweet love.

Uh, was he missing for so long because he was hanging out in Forks, WA being a vampire?

Uh, was he missing for so long because he was hanging out in Forks, WA being a vampire?

And when did Rob Lowe turn into a bitch? Well, that’s an easy answer, because it was when he had his heart attack during the two-hour “movie” episode. But heart attacks don’t turn people into a-holes as far as I know, and right now we have Rob Lowe suffering from the Ethan-on-90210 disease where his characters seems to be suffering from a body snatcher situation. And his bitchness is causing Kitty to start making eyes at the single father she sees at the park, played by none other than Eli Stone’s brother.

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The Husband:

This week on Desperate Housewives, the whole was greater than the sum of its parts in many different ways. Taken alone, two of the four stories were almost desperately pathetic and petty, but they added up to a greatly enjoyable episode that had many different levels of drama and comedy, each staking out a base on the baseball diamond known as Wisteria Lane. (Okay, bad analogy.)

Bree: Discovering all the little tschotskies that Orson has stolen from various Fairview townfolk, Bree goes around stealthily returning them to their owners, until she accidentally assumes that the lawn ornament of a lazy Mexican belongs to the Solises, when in fact it belongs to the culturally clueless Mrs. McClusky. All this is quite funny until Bree blames the Mexican lawn ornament theft on an innocent (but douchey) Juanita.

Susan: Now an art teacher at an expensive grade school, Susan learns that teacher evaluations are coming up, and she shouldn’t be butting heads with the strict-in-her-methods principal, Swoosie Kurtz, so she decides to become friendlier with her in order to receive a higher grade. When she invites her over to her house, Swoosie shows up in a sexy green dress and they have a great time drinking and eating, until at the end of the night Swoosie plants a big, long kiss on Susan’s lips. Unsure of what to do in this situation, Susan fesses up to Swoosie the next day that she is not a lesbian, which Swoosie finds hard to believe, claiming she shows all the signs of a closeted former heterosexual, much like Swoosie ten years earlier. But finally, she gets Swoosie to accept her simply as a friend and they move on with their relationship, as Susan was going to get a good evaluation anywhoozle.

Edie: Digging up further info on Creepy Dave’s past, Edie discovers his original name (i.e. not “Williams”) and that he not only had a wife, but a daughter as well. She broaches the subject to him about them having kids, but he is not willing to submit. And so Edie continues her quest that will ultimately lead her to her grave.

Lynette and Gaby: After last week’s squabble with Tom, they have decided that it’s her turn to look for a career, and so she jumps headfirst back into advertising. Unfortunately, she discovers a terrible truth while waiting for her interview – she is at least 10 years older than all the other women gunning for her job, and that anyone past 35 (Lynette is 43) is figuratively “brought out back and shot” in this industry. She gets the job, actually, because the account is a wrinkle cream, while lying about how old she is (claiming early 50s), but drops it when she gets a better offer from Gaby.

Now, Gaby and Carlos are looking for him to get a new job after his boss got all kinds of murdered at the end of last week’s episode. But at the funeral, the company’s CEO tells Carlos that the bonus that the dead guy was struggling to give Carlos (as we know, it was because of blackmail) was a sign that Carlos was a great employee, and makes him president of the company, replacing the dead guy. When Carlos brings on a good right-hand man into the company who was also an old roommate, Gaby is ecstatic at their new opportunity, until she finds out that his right-hand man is actually a woman, Lucy, and one he has slept with. She’s pissed, until Lucy shows up, and it’s Lesley Boone, the chubby best friend from Ed. But when she notices that Carlos and Lucy are still hitting it off just fine, and that Lucy was always a big girl and that Carlos actually stepped outside his skinny model type when he had sex with her so many years earlier, Gaby decides to put a spy into the company. And who better than Lynette, who is struggling for a job and can take on an open position in marketing. During Lynette’s first day, though, she figures out that she is an unwilling spy and gets real pissed at Gaby, but she decides to continue working there, since the pay is so good.

God, that last plot was more complicated than I originally anticipated when I began writing this entry. It’s a good story, too, and it allows more interaction between the “housewives.” Overall, this Mike-and-Katherine-absent episode really worked for me, and as we race toward the season’s conclusion, good stuff is finally coming together. It took nearly a whole season for the show to recover from the flash-forward, but I think it’s finally working again. Not as good as s1, mind you, but still good.

If only someone could write a movie about surfing inmates . . .

If only someone could write a movie about surfing inmates . . .

So what’s going down on Brothers & Sisters? Well, it did something I never thought it would do and gave us a spring break episode, as Justin, reeling from his recent breakup with Rebecca, and Kevin decide to bring Tommy down to Baja to an old resort their father used to take them to in order to relax, but more importantly to try to convince Tommy to take a plea bargain in his increasingly dire court case re: Holly and him embezzling millions of dollars from Ojai Foods. It’s all rather silly, as Kevin gets loaded from all the tequila mixers people keep throwing in his mouth, Justin kisses a girl who has an angry boyfriend, and Tommy does some soul-searching. When all the dust clears the next morning, however, Tommy has decided to go on the run, unwilling to go to jail. Stupid Tommy.

Back in Pasadena, Ryan The Missing Walker finally meets Sarah and Kitty and hits it off pretty well. (By the way, Ryan ended up not sleeping with Rebecca after the end of the last episode, thank God. She’s not that into him…just yet.) Kitty especially warms to him because of their ability to have political debates, as Ryan studies political science at Berkeley and is also a member of the Green Party, but when the conversation moves into a mother’s inherent love for a child, Ryan gets huffy and leaves. At first, we think it’s just because he’s still very sensitive about his recently deceased mother, but it turns out to be more than that, and we get a better picture of why Ryan decided to come down to Pasadena after all.

So…Ryan’s mother died in a car accident. But there were no skid marks on the road, and no sign that his mother tried to save herself. As his mother had an affair with Papa Walker so many years earlier, he thinks that somehow Papa Walker and his death had somehow had such an effect on his mother that she had actually committed suicide via car wreck. So now he’s prying into the supposed mystery of his mother, even if there may not be a mystery. Or is there?

Hmmm…that’s probably the first time I wrote more about DH than the vastly superior Brothers & Sisters. Don’t take that as a sign, though. While the spring break stuff was, as aforementioned, quite silly, it did throw a big dramatic moment in at the end, and it also made me better understand why the hell Justin wants to go into pre-med, something I thought was completely out of nowhere before. And as for the Ryan’s mother’s death mystery, we’ll see if this turns into anything, because this show has thrown a lot at me, and this is just more icing on the cake.