The Husband:

Blah blah blah Desperate Housewives. What really mattered last night was the season finale of Brothers & Sisters.

Because, honestly, whatever happened last night on DH is pretty much just filler until the two-hour finale this coming Sunday. But what happened?

  • Gaby discovered that one of her old friends is now homeless after losing all of her money once she became a widow, which in turn shows Gaby a valuable lesson about life. And what’s that lesson, Headbanger’s Ball and Daisy Of Love’s Riki Rachtman? IT’S NOT A GAME!
  • Lynnette doesn’t want Tom to get plastic surgery, because it would result in them not looking like they belong together. Because as any DH viewer knows, Lynnette and Tom belong together.
  • After using her divorce lawyer’s advice, Bree breaks into her own house, only to discover that Orson still loves her unconditionally, and that she’s a horrible person for wanting to divorce him.
  • Susan and Jackson throw an engagement party, but Susan finds that she is hesitant to get married as it would cancel Mike’s regular alimony payments. But through a series of messages (actually Kathryn posing as Mike), he “agrees” to keep paying. But the marriage may not happen anyway, since Creepy Dave knows the truth behind the marriage and calls immigration on Jackson.
Damn you, Creepy Dave! Damn you!

Damn you, Creepy Dave! Damn you!

Blerghy blerghy blergh.

But how’d the Walker family fare? Was their trip to Mexico fruitful and exciting? Actually, kind of not. Choosing instead to follow its own path of actual reality, Brothers & Sisters ended not with wild drama, massive cliffhangers and people acting out of character (coughDesperateHousewivesandGrey’sAnatomycough), but with a neat (if underdeveloped) wrap-up of the show’s third and best season.

First Nora, then the remainder of the family, cross the border and find something that not only surprised them, but surprised me as well. I guess that since Tommy has always been such a jerk, I just assumed he took the clichéd way out and just went to Mexico to chill on beaches, drink a lot and bang hookers, but in fact he had joined a semi-cultist meditation society, one that pretty much strips away all your earthly possessions and first world problems and allows you to reassess who you are as a person. In other words, he’s a hippie who builds houses and fixes plumbing for the less fortunate, and eats meals in a room where talking is banned.

In fact, once this discovery was made, the Walkers weren’t left much to do other than smile at each other and update everybody on their current life events. But at least the show found a funny way to do such a ho-hum scene, done entirely in pantomime as they were still at the meditation society’s mess hall. In fact, it was so funny that it kind of overshadowed Kitty’s real problems that followed her to Mexico via Robert and a helicopter, culminating in her running after his departing chopper only to realize it’s too late and that their marriage is pretty much over.

Maybe now wasnt the best time to adopt?

Maybe now wasn't the best time to adopt?

But hey, Justin is going to become a doctor, and he and Rebecca are going to get married. Everything’s okay, right?

Not entirely. Ryan the Missing Walker still had one bit of usage left in him, which unexpectedly involved the underused Saul. So yes, it is technically true that Ryan’s dead mother was affected by William breaking up with her, and that may have caused her to kill herself by wrapping her car around a tree. But (what a tweeeest!) it turns out that William never went to Reno to break up with Ryan’s dead mother – he had Saul do it instead. And so Saul, refusing to hand Ryan the Missing Walker a send-off deal from Ojai that would make a CEO blush, demands from Holly that he return to Ojai Foods. Basically, I’m fine with more Ron Rifkin (having seen him in two shows, the pre-Broadway run of Wrong Mountain, as well as the Cabaret 90s revival at Studio 54), so I’m glad that he may actually return to being a character next season, and not just the gay Jewish comic relief.

I am so glad that I reinvested in this show after giving up on its halfway through its first season, because it is honestly one of the best written shows on network television, written by people who get the concept that big emotion doesn’t have to equal histrionic bullshit. It earns its laughs and tears by being a character show first and a plot show second. Even with such a non-event of a finale, it still feels right, as they start a new chapter with a new season. How will Justin and Rebecca’s marriage go? How will Nora’s charity center fare? Are Kitty and Robert really done?

All we really know is that Balthazar Getty has been demoted from main cast to a sporadically recurring guest role, so Tommy is going to be off-camera “finding himself” for most of next season.

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The Husband:

I’m kind of over Desperate Housewives for the rest of the season. Not that it’s bad or anything, but I’m exhausted. Same for Grey’s Anatomy. Private Practice and Chuck did the right thing in winding down last week so as not to overload television viewers with a straight barrage of finales all together in a short period of time. Seriously. I’m ready for Wipeout and So You Think You Can Dance and Big Brother to just kind of lull me through the summer. Enough with all the scripted drama.

Hell, DH is basically just going through the motions now, and it seems that the season’s high point was all the Scavo twins madness with the affair and the nightclub and the fire and Creepy Dave and whatnot, and the rest of the stories are just basically filler. Even Creepy Dave’s stuff petered out after we found out who he was after and why (which, of course, we all guessed), so right now all I’m really looking forward to is his final solution as to what he’s going to do to Susan and MJ, and who’s going to get caught in the crosshairs.

So with that, I’m just going to give you the bare minimum of what’s going on with our “housewives,” because they all just basically reiterate stuff we already know, with one exception.

Gaby: Gaby’s older daughter goes to school with makeup on, so Gaby agrees to show her that beauty comes from within by not wearing any makeup to Carlos’ award ceremony for Latino Businessman of the Year. But when she learns of a photo session at the ceremony for the local paper, she runs into the bathroom and steals makeup from an Asian woman. Gaby is vain. We already knew this. Lesson failed.

Bree: Reverting back to some of the more conniving ways we saw during DH‘s first two seasons, Bree gets Susan’s ex to represent her in her divorce with Orson (which he still doesn’t know about), and is willing to fight dirty to do it. We already know this.

Lynnette: She and Tom follow a book that says that, in order to rekindle their intimacy, they are to have sex every night for the entire month. This proves difficult, which leads to Tom restating that, now that he’s unemployed, he has no passion for anything other than Lynnette. We already knew this.

Kathryn: Using MJ to trick Mike into talking about marriage, she finds out that he’s just not that into getting hitched. Big surprise.

Susan, dont get the wrong idea here. Im gay, but I really, really need a green card . . . so . . . yeah. Marry me?

Susan, don't get the wrong idea here. I'm gay, but I really, really need a green card . . . so . . . yeah. Marry me?

Susan: Okay, here’s some good stuff. Jackson is finally back in town (I hope your head’s all healed up now after that motorcycle accident, Gale Harold), and he proposes marriage, but after Susan embarrasses herself by declaring how much she actually loves him, he lets her know that it’s simply for citizenship, and he’s Canadian and his visa expired six years earlier. (Or six months. I don’t really care all that much how long it’s been.) She agrees, but she’s pissed enough to say that there will be no romance and no sex. It’s strictly business. This, in turn, messes up Creepy Dave’s plan to take her and MJ out for a fishing trip, as she, you know, needs to get ready to get married for a third time and all.

Two more episodes. Just bring ’em on, regroup, and come back with a better season. Because it can be better. Season 1 was genius television, don’t forget, and there’s really no excuse at this point.

But hey, what’s doing down in the vastly preferable world of the Walkers on Brothers & Sisters?

Not a whole lot, actually. Justin gets into a pre-med program in Santa Barbara. (I haven’t done any research, but my wife, an alumnus of UC Santa Barbara and a former employee of a local business newspaper there, informs me that no college or university in Santa Barbara offers a pre-med program. Then again, this is a show where Kitty basically jumps back-and-forth between her home life with Robert in Santa Barbara and the Walkers in Pasadena as if that 90-mile drive were nothing, so it doesn’t bug me.) Nora gets some detective work done in order to find Tommy so as to have next week’s big season finale take place in Mexico. Holly once again emotionally implodes as Ryan The Missing Walker does his own bitch imploding when he learns that everybody is against him, which in turn gets him to quit from Ojai and presumably give up his shares. Kitty is still trying to decide between Alec the single father and her own husband. And Kevin…well…as aforementioned, not a whole lot, actually.

Oh! We did get some Tom Skerritt cameo work as Kitty flashes back on her radio career, which led her to confirm that, yes, William Walker may have driven Ryan’s mother to suicide. Kind of a waste of a cameo, if you ask me, but I guess William needs to make an in-the-past appearance every now and then.

Really, it’s just all set-up for next week, so I’m going to save my energy for that. Thanks for reading this half-assed post.

The Husband:

Now that we are completely done with Edie Britt (and her one-episode stint as a narrating ghost), we can finally move on with all the dangling story threads. And, once again, I feel that the show has no idea what to do with Gaby anymore. When this season started, every story with her children felt out-of-place and forced, but when they never showed up at all, Gaby’s stories simply felt like the same-ol’-same-ol’. This week was a lot of old and a little bit of new, as she joins a gardening club only to find out that they don’t sit around all day drinking and gossiping but actually gardens. And so, with the help of Tom Scavo, she stages a coup to turn the club into something fun, only to have to reel the newly buff Tom in from spending too much time with Patti, the town skanky cougar. (Even if we all know that Tom would never cheat on Lynette, merely hanging out with this STD-ridden hoooooooooooe is problem enough.) All of this info comes to Lynette’s attention at an awkward Solis-Scavo dinner.

But there are, of course, more secrets to uncover at this dinner, but just like the one between Gaby and Tom, the one between Lynette and Carlos is equally non-threatening. Lynette took a shower one day at Carlos’ office at work, which in turn upsets Tom, so Lynette is hesitant to tell him about what happened the next morning, when Carlos swung by the Scavo house to pick Lynette up for a company meeting, only to hear her knock herself unconscious in the shower and carry her passed out naked body to her bed.

Yeah, ho-hum. See?

As far as the Hodge clan stories are concerned, Orson’s neurotic thievery has finally caught up with him as Bree catches him in a lie about what he was doing the night of Edie’s death — don’t forget, he was one of the many elements that caused it to happen, accidental or not — and begins to work with her son to divorce the man, as he just simply hasn’t been the same since before he went to jail. Which makes sense. Because he was in jail.

The only worthy story this week deals hardcore in Creepy Dave’s life, as he has seemingly stopped all of his vengeance schemes in order to mourn Edie’s death and drink himself into a stupor. The neighborhood doesn’t know what to do with him, but Susan at least makes an effort to sneak through his house and take away anything that could be used as a means of suicide. (Gun, knives, ties, belts, etc.) When she comes back to return the gun and knives — because she was pulled over by the cops and was found with all the weapons, ho ho! — she relates a story to Creepy Dave, one that completely changes his focus and purpose on Wisteria Lane. As we all know, something was fishy about the day that Susan and Mike got into the car accident that killed Creepy Dave’s first family, but now it comes together more clearly — Susan was the one driving the car, but she and Mike decided to say that Mike was driving as Susan didn’t have her license on her. And as these words go into Creepy Dave’s ears and through his fucked-up brain, a new scheme seems to form, and his bloodlust arises anew.

What will Dave do with this new info? The show seems to infer that he’s going to do something horrible to Susan and Mike’s son, MJ, which would be above and beyond the cruelty of his original plan. But this man has just lost his second wife, so who knows how far he’s willing to go?

After last week’s sex fest, not much was going down on Brothers & Sisters this week, so I’ll just say it was a good middle-of-the-road episode and just run through some of the more important updates.

The Saga of Tommy Walker

Now that Tommy has made it very clear he is not coming home to Pasadena, his wife Julie is left struggling to pay the bills and support their child to the point that she has to give up the house. Kevin groups together some money to put the house in the Walkers’ name, but then Julie is offered a well-paying teaching position up in Seattle (whut whuuuut?) and leaves, presumably forever, from the clutches of the Walkers. I missed the second half of the first season of this show, so I don’t really have any connection to her character, so this is fine.

The Continuing Break-Up of the Hottest Couple on TV

Now that Justin and Rebecca are done, she has been dealing with all of Ryan’s drama in re: his dead mother and her relationship with William Walker. This had the potential to make Rebecca and Ryan a very creepy, incestuous-but-not-incestuous couple (both their moms banged the same dude, and both at some point has thought they were a Walker), but Rebecca begins to see Ryan’s true, evil colors when he accepts Holly’s offer to work at Ojai Foods. Since he is technically a Walker, he would be entitled to some shares, enough that if he banded up with Holly (and presumably Rebecca), they could overtake the entire company. Rebecca ain’t no fool, though, so she returns to Justin to make him aware of this plan, depressed that Ryan wasn’t the sweet guy he thought he was.

Kitty’s Emotional Affair

Kitty, still struggling through her marriage with gubernatorial candidate Robert McCallister, is getting closer to single father Alec (Matt Letscher from Eli Stone), going to far as to help him pick out a new house. This, in turn, leads to a fairly major car accident, which Kitty decides to lie about in re: if there was anybody else in the car. But when Robert decides to take their adopted child to the park and is approached by Alec’s little boy, he puts two and two together and exposes Kitty for having an emotional affair and lying about it. This collapse has been brewing since the birth of their child (which Robert missed due to his political schedule), and the addition of Kitty running to Alec at his new place and making out with him pretty much seals the deal. I don’t know how much Rob Lowe is into being on this show, but this is a program that puts a lot of effort into having its focal characters be pretty morally responsible people, and I don’t know if the writers and showrunners are even planning on getting Kitty and Robert back together.

The Husband:

Ding dong, Edie is finally fucking dead. Thank whatever lord you have, because her constant story repetitions that serve no purpose other than to act as a cheap plot device for other, better plots have finally come to a close. No longer do we have to put her in all the promos as if she were one of the “housewives” despite contributing nothing to the series other than a plastic shell. Hell, she didn’t even feel like a housewife when she was, in all actuality, a wife this season to Creepy Dave.

Clearly, no one is all that moved by Edies death.

Clearly, no one is all that moved by Edie's death.

But the show isn’t done with her yet, at least not in this week’s episode, because for the first (and hopefully last) time, she takes over the Mary Alice role and became the narrator. As long as her mannish voice is gone next week, then I accept that this, an episode based solely on the housewives (plus Mrs. McClusky) reminiscing about Edie Britt. But if she sticks around in the ether, then I’ll be fucking pissed.

As the rest of the stories have been put completely on hold for the long van ride to Edie’s son’s boarding school, there isn’t really a whole lot to talk about. (Nope, no mention of Creepy Dave’s story, which directly caused Edie’s death.) Basically, Gaby and Edie had a very special night on the town that turned into a tender moment fueled by jealousy that Gaby got more free drinks at a bar than Edie did, Susan called out the new-to-the-neighborhood Edie for sleeping with a married man until Edie turned around and informed Susan of the terrible truth of Susan’s husband’s infidelity with another woman, Lynnette learned to battle cancer when Edie takes her to a biker bar (huh?), and Mrs. McClusky had a drink-fueled heart-to-heart with Edie about what it means to lose a child as opposed to giving one up.

The only memory I really and truly appreciated was Bree’s, which dealt with the years between last season and this season as it pertained to Orson’s incarceration. After being basically forced out of Wisteria Lane, Edie had taken to visiting Orson every so often in prison, not for sex but just because the prison was nearby and she needed a friend, and Bree was certainly not coming as often as she should…being Orson’s wife and all. The story filled in a couple emotional holes that seemed to positively gape when this flash-forward season started, so I’m glad that the writers took the time to at least address some Van De Kamp/Hodge drama.

There only five episodes left, so they’d better be nice and juicy.

…I can’t believe I just wrote “nice and juicy.” This is not good.

Over on Brothers & Sisters, everybody has sex on the brain (look at the episode’s title if you need help with that one), save for most of the children (thankfully offscreen) and the on-the-lam Tommy. (Although, technically, he is stranded in Mexico, so who’s to say Balthazar Getty is not getting some south-of-the-border va-hi-na or participating in a Double Indemnity-inspired murder plot concocted by Patricia Arquette twins.)

Let’s split this up into two sections.

Getting Laid

  • The newly reappointed-to-Ojai-Foods Sarah, who shares a quick office tryst with Cal the accountant/volunteer firefighter (Christián de la Fuente from Dancing with the Stars and…other stuff I don’t watch), only to find out the next day that he was a temp and she bought and wore that too-tight red dress for nothing.
  • …actually, she was the only one getting laid.

Not Getting Laid But Certainly Thinking About It

  • Kevin and Scotty, who are propositioned by Kevin’s closeted former lover Chad (Jason Lewis) to have a threesome with him, only to reject his very forward suggestion but still be hot-and-bothered enough to have a shirtless make-out session, only to be interrupted by the just-banged-by-a-temp Sarah. (Jason Lewis, after playing a model/actor on Sex and the City and a soap opera actor on House, stretches his performance abilities to play…an actor.)
  • Ryan The Missing Walker continuing to lust after Rebecca, despite making it so obvious in mixed company that Rebecca’s estranged father warns her of this creepy boy’s total creep factor.
  • Nora, who is suddenly revisited by architect Roger Grant, who has informed her that his open relationship with his London-based wife (a set-up that turned Nora off) has turned into no marriage at all, so now he only has eyes for her.
  • Kitty, who is watching her marriage completely fall apart (despite Robert’s affidavit, signed by his doctor, that his heart is finally okay enough to survive a bout of passionate lurrrrrvin’), is starting to really feel fondness for Alec the single father, who brings her treats at the playground their children use every day. Watch out, Kitty – his brother is a lawyer who can see the future via musical numbers (or however one is to describe Eli Stone’s “powers”).
  • Justin, who is trying to either find a way to restart his relationship with Rebecca or at least find closure, neither or which really happens.

Other than the knowledge that Tommy, despite having all charges dropped against him, still doesn’t want to come back to his family and relatives in the United States, not a whole lot of story progress was made this week, but it was definitely an entertaining way to come back to the Walker clan after several weeks off the air.

The Wife:

Hey, people who watch Desperate Housewives and stuff! Question! Is “Look Into Their Eyes and You’ll See What They Know” the first DH episode that draws it’s title from Sondheim lyrics rather than song titles? Because that song is “Ladies Who Lunch” from Company. Here! Watch the brilliant Anna Kendrick perform it in Camp!


The Husband:

I’m going to keep this short, because it’s been a full week since I watched these episodes of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters, and since neither show will be back on television until April 19, I don’t really feel like too many people are going to come looking for this article with any frequency or questions.

So up first is the quick good and bad bits of last week’s DH.

Good

  • The complete collapse of Lesley Boone as Carlos’ VP, as a frustrated, overworked Lynette got her to mistake Carlos and Gaby’s kids as those of the non-English-speaking Hispanic custodian. A damn good way to go out and a good instance of two of the “housewives” banding together to take down a common enemy
  • The horribly psychotic and violent drawings done by Susan’s ex-husband’s son. Hilarious.
  • Edie is finally dead. (Fingers crossed that she’s not just injured. I’ve been waiting for this waste of a character to be gone since she fake-hanged herself at the end of s3.) And it wasn’t enough to kill her once. They killed her in three ways. First, Creepy Dave strangled her when she tried to call 911, but then let go right before she was to gasp her last breath. Then she drove her car into a telephone poll after swerving to avoid Cat Burglar Orson (don’t ask), and barely survived that, then got out of her car and electrocuted herself on the stray electrical wires from said fallen telephone poll. Dead dead dead.
Is it too soon for me to say Ding Dong?

Is it too soon for me to say "Ding Dong?"

Bad

  • Everything with Orson. Just…don’t ask. It’s lame. And if the rumors are true, this is his last season. What a lame way to go out.
  • Creepy Dave’s lame ultimate plan for revenge against Mike Delfino, which just basically was going on a cabin/camping trip with Mike and Katherine, then pretending to sleep while they left to go hiking, and then shooting at Katherine while they hiked, thus making Mike feel the torture Creepy Dave felt when his family was “killed.” And it was all foiled by Edie calling his cell phone, making him miss his mark.

So now onto Brothers & Sisters, where I think I can actually formulate some paragraphs.

So after all that build-up, what with Tommy embezzling money from Ojai Foods in order to concoct an illegal scheme to get Holly to give over her shares in the company which would thusly dethrone her, the entire thing just disappears. How? Even though Tommy is still on the run after ditching Justin and Kevin in Baja and cannot be reached, Sarah took it upon herself to reassert herself as a major businesswoman at Ojai Foods, leaving Greenatopia behind to fend for themselves. (In a nice way, but she’s still ditching them.) So then, at her first Ojai Foods board meeting, she and Nora, with their mere presence, basically convince Holly to drop all charges against Tommy, because the case itself would seriously damage the company and its insistence on being a family legacy.

Well…that was easy. I was expecting that to last through the rest of the season. But it did get Balthazar Getty to remove himself from the show, at least temporarily, until he is relegated to a semi-recurring guest spot next week. Nobody likes you, Tommy. And the case also managed to break up Justin and Rebecca, a.k.a. the hottest couple on prime-time soap television, leaving the increasingly evil Ryan the Missing Walker to be her creepy rebound guy. (Never mind that he has roped Rebecca into looking for evidence regarding his mother’s “suicide” and whether or not the dead Papa Walker was somehow responsible.) Hopefully Justin and Rebecca could get over this and go back to making sweet sweet love.

Uh, was he missing for so long because he was hanging out in Forks, WA being a vampire?

Uh, was he missing for so long because he was hanging out in Forks, WA being a vampire?

And when did Rob Lowe turn into a bitch? Well, that’s an easy answer, because it was when he had his heart attack during the two-hour “movie” episode. But heart attacks don’t turn people into a-holes as far as I know, and right now we have Rob Lowe suffering from the Ethan-on-90210 disease where his characters seems to be suffering from a body snatcher situation. And his bitchness is causing Kitty to start making eyes at the single father she sees at the park, played by none other than Eli Stone’s brother.

The Husband:

This week on Desperate Housewives, the whole was greater than the sum of its parts in many different ways. Taken alone, two of the four stories were almost desperately pathetic and petty, but they added up to a greatly enjoyable episode that had many different levels of drama and comedy, each staking out a base on the baseball diamond known as Wisteria Lane. (Okay, bad analogy.)

Bree: Discovering all the little tschotskies that Orson has stolen from various Fairview townfolk, Bree goes around stealthily returning them to their owners, until she accidentally assumes that the lawn ornament of a lazy Mexican belongs to the Solises, when in fact it belongs to the culturally clueless Mrs. McClusky. All this is quite funny until Bree blames the Mexican lawn ornament theft on an innocent (but douchey) Juanita.

Susan: Now an art teacher at an expensive grade school, Susan learns that teacher evaluations are coming up, and she shouldn’t be butting heads with the strict-in-her-methods principal, Swoosie Kurtz, so she decides to become friendlier with her in order to receive a higher grade. When she invites her over to her house, Swoosie shows up in a sexy green dress and they have a great time drinking and eating, until at the end of the night Swoosie plants a big, long kiss on Susan’s lips. Unsure of what to do in this situation, Susan fesses up to Swoosie the next day that she is not a lesbian, which Swoosie finds hard to believe, claiming she shows all the signs of a closeted former heterosexual, much like Swoosie ten years earlier. But finally, she gets Swoosie to accept her simply as a friend and they move on with their relationship, as Susan was going to get a good evaluation anywhoozle.

Edie: Digging up further info on Creepy Dave’s past, Edie discovers his original name (i.e. not “Williams”) and that he not only had a wife, but a daughter as well. She broaches the subject to him about them having kids, but he is not willing to submit. And so Edie continues her quest that will ultimately lead her to her grave.

Lynette and Gaby: After last week’s squabble with Tom, they have decided that it’s her turn to look for a career, and so she jumps headfirst back into advertising. Unfortunately, she discovers a terrible truth while waiting for her interview – she is at least 10 years older than all the other women gunning for her job, and that anyone past 35 (Lynette is 43) is figuratively “brought out back and shot” in this industry. She gets the job, actually, because the account is a wrinkle cream, while lying about how old she is (claiming early 50s), but drops it when she gets a better offer from Gaby.

Now, Gaby and Carlos are looking for him to get a new job after his boss got all kinds of murdered at the end of last week’s episode. But at the funeral, the company’s CEO tells Carlos that the bonus that the dead guy was struggling to give Carlos (as we know, it was because of blackmail) was a sign that Carlos was a great employee, and makes him president of the company, replacing the dead guy. When Carlos brings on a good right-hand man into the company who was also an old roommate, Gaby is ecstatic at their new opportunity, until she finds out that his right-hand man is actually a woman, Lucy, and one he has slept with. She’s pissed, until Lucy shows up, and it’s Lesley Boone, the chubby best friend from Ed. But when she notices that Carlos and Lucy are still hitting it off just fine, and that Lucy was always a big girl and that Carlos actually stepped outside his skinny model type when he had sex with her so many years earlier, Gaby decides to put a spy into the company. And who better than Lynette, who is struggling for a job and can take on an open position in marketing. During Lynette’s first day, though, she figures out that she is an unwilling spy and gets real pissed at Gaby, but she decides to continue working there, since the pay is so good.

God, that last plot was more complicated than I originally anticipated when I began writing this entry. It’s a good story, too, and it allows more interaction between the “housewives.” Overall, this Mike-and-Katherine-absent episode really worked for me, and as we race toward the season’s conclusion, good stuff is finally coming together. It took nearly a whole season for the show to recover from the flash-forward, but I think it’s finally working again. Not as good as s1, mind you, but still good.

If only someone could write a movie about surfing inmates . . .

If only someone could write a movie about surfing inmates . . .

So what’s going down on Brothers & Sisters? Well, it did something I never thought it would do and gave us a spring break episode, as Justin, reeling from his recent breakup with Rebecca, and Kevin decide to bring Tommy down to Baja to an old resort their father used to take them to in order to relax, but more importantly to try to convince Tommy to take a plea bargain in his increasingly dire court case re: Holly and him embezzling millions of dollars from Ojai Foods. It’s all rather silly, as Kevin gets loaded from all the tequila mixers people keep throwing in his mouth, Justin kisses a girl who has an angry boyfriend, and Tommy does some soul-searching. When all the dust clears the next morning, however, Tommy has decided to go on the run, unwilling to go to jail. Stupid Tommy.

Back in Pasadena, Ryan The Missing Walker finally meets Sarah and Kitty and hits it off pretty well. (By the way, Ryan ended up not sleeping with Rebecca after the end of the last episode, thank God. She’s not that into him…just yet.) Kitty especially warms to him because of their ability to have political debates, as Ryan studies political science at Berkeley and is also a member of the Green Party, but when the conversation moves into a mother’s inherent love for a child, Ryan gets huffy and leaves. At first, we think it’s just because he’s still very sensitive about his recently deceased mother, but it turns out to be more than that, and we get a better picture of why Ryan decided to come down to Pasadena after all.

So…Ryan’s mother died in a car accident. But there were no skid marks on the road, and no sign that his mother tried to save herself. As his mother had an affair with Papa Walker so many years earlier, he thinks that somehow Papa Walker and his death had somehow had such an effect on his mother that she had actually committed suicide via car wreck. So now he’s prying into the supposed mystery of his mother, even if there may not be a mystery. Or is there?

Hmmm…that’s probably the first time I wrote more about DH than the vastly superior Brothers & Sisters. Don’t take that as a sign, though. While the spring break stuff was, as aforementioned, quite silly, it did throw a big dramatic moment in at the end, and it also made me better understand why the hell Justin wants to go into pre-med, something I thought was completely out of nowhere before. And as for the Ryan’s mother’s death mystery, we’ll see if this turns into anything, because this show has thrown a lot at me, and this is just more icing on the cake.

The Husband:

It’s been a few weeks off, so let’s let Sunday’s episode of Desperate Housewives catch us up with all the happenings on Wisteria Lane. This week, we viewers were given a surprisingly good, if not entirely important, ep of DH that had all of its old school elements intact, making sure that each of the stories had their own little charms and quirks, and even if they ranged somewhat in quality, they all kept up at the level of satisfactory or higher.

Susan: Now that Katherine has moved in with Mike, Susan isn’t really sure what to think for herself, but she is definitely trying her best to be nice about it. But there is still jealousy within her, so when she visits them and points out to Katherine that the wonderful beach painting set on the mantelpiece was actually painted by Susan during her and Mike’s honeymoon, she gloats a bit inside that a piece of her is still in Mike’s heart. Katherine was unaware that the painting was Susan’s, though, so by the time the housewarming party comes around, the painting is nowhere to be found. Katherine tells Susan and Mike that it fell while she was dusting and was being repaired, but when Susan finds it hidden in the garage, she lets Mike know and thus throws the party into a small amount of chaos. But after some harsh words are exchanged, Katherine and Susan are on the same page and understand that they can indeed co-exist in Mike’s life and each other’s as well, because if Mike was to date anybody after the divorce, it’s good that it’s somebody Susan really likes.

Gaby: In a storyline that on paper sounds obnoxious but somehow through some bit of luck comes through as funny and noble, Gaby becomes sick of protecting Carlos’s boss’s affair with his mistress a secret, even if keeping that secret meant Carlos getting a major cash bonus at work. She decides to pay his hairdresser mistress a visit at the mall salon (ewwwww…) and pretends to fess up about her own story of dating a married man in order to get the hairdresser to feel some guilt, but the ruse, which gives Eva Longoria [Parker] perhaps her funniest scene in a long time, falls apart and she ends up yelling at the hairstylist about continuing to pursue Carlos’s boss. When the boss gets wind of this, he confronts Gaby, who tells him that she can no longer keep a secret, which in turn gets Carlos fired. He’s fine with this, though, because he hated his new job and his boss, and his boss goes off to tell his pregnant wife about the woman with whom he is in love. But when the Solises receive a call from his pregnant wife, they go over to their house to find Carlos’s boss dead on the ground with a knife in his back. And the show is given yet another murder plot.

Im glad that dudes dead. That job fucking sucked. Now me and Tom can drink beers at noon together.

I'm glad that dude's dead. That job fucking sucked. Now me and Tom can drink beers at noon together.

Bree and Lynette: While Bree has to deal with Orson’s growing resentment toward her due to him not being recognized as a valuable part of her company, as well as his growing obsession with stealing items from rude people in his life, she has taken it upon herself to help the Scavos find a job now that their pizzeria has gone belly-up. How does she do this? Well, her book publisher needs a new advertising account executive, and Lynette thinks this might be the perfect opportunity for Tom to get back into his old line of work and stop sitting around the house, sleeping in late and drinking beer at noon. But at the casual job interview/dinner at Bree’s, Tom does not want anybody to get a job for him, and he treats the interview with carelessness. However, when Lynette, also a former advertising executive, sees his laziness and decides that she herself should pursue the position instead, she sparks something in him and they basically battle each other at the table, coming up with reasons the other should not get the job. (e.g. Tom was actually Lynette’s employee until he got fired and later basically ran the pizzeria into the ground, Lynette’s cancer could return at any moment, etc.). This uncharacteristic Scavo pettiness turns off the publisher until he can no longer take it and leaves the house, leaving Tom and Lynette to realize how silly they were being, and that they both need to do anything they can in order to bring money back into the family to pay off their debts, legal and otherwise.

Oh, and Edie (now on her way to the grave by season’s end, thank God) discovers through Creepy Dave’s former priest about former residency in Fairview, and that Williams isn’t actually his last name. Hopefully Creepy Dave’s story can rev up very soon, because it’s been a whole lot of cock-teasing so far.

I was proud of this episode, because while Susan and Gaby got somewhat less important stories in the grand scheme of DH, the stories themselves were still well-written (to a point) and well-performed, because even if you’re saddled with a story about the emotional purpose of a painting, you should act like it’s the most important thing ever. All the elements were in place this week, nobody onscreen or off was phoning it in, and some great stuff got set up. I can’t exactly ask for more, can I?

But, oh man, what’s been going on with the Walkers of Pasadena? Well, they had their two-hour “movie event” two Sundays ago, and it brought the show some stellar ratings, but oddly, I can’t think of much actually happening during the episode. Here’s what I do recall:

While Rebecca brings her father back to Los Angeles after her New York trip, which turns mother Holly into a screaming mess, we get some big McCallister goings on. Although today is the day that Robert and Kitty’s surrogate mother is to give birth, Robert has some major political issues to deal with. Now that he is running for governor, he’s looking for the right time to announce his candidacy. However, when he has a talk with the current governor (a female Republican, which I can tell you is a bit of a ways off here in California), he discovers that his candidacy has already been leaked, and that he needs to do a press conference ASAP re: running for governor before anyone else can get to it. Problem is, this press conference is right at the same moment Kitty needs him at the hospital for the birth of their son, and when the Walker family, now at the hospital, sees Robert live on TV miles away, Kitty takes this as a sign that their recent problems are only going to grow. When Kevin (Robert’s director of communications, don’t forget) finally gets him off the podium, he tries to rush him to the hospital, only to have Robert collapse in the parking garage as a result of a heart attack. So now, at the same hospital at the same time, their son is being born and he is about to die from cardiac arrest. Brought back from death at the last moment, the doctor suggests they operate on Robert, even if it would hurt his chances as governor. The surgery goes through, and Robert gets Kevin to lie about his condition and say it wasn’t a big deal, which in turn worries Kitty that she basically married a liar and that raising their new kid together will be supremely difficult.

OH NOES! TANNING HAS DONE THIS TO HIM!

OH NOES! TANNING HAS DONE THIS TO HIM!

Oh, and Tommy’s in major trouble, but that goes right into this week’s episode, so let’s proceed. I must say that Balthazar Getty’s eventual exit from the show is going down in a very big, very complicated way, and it’s making for some way harsh drama.

So…yeah…you know how Tommy was setting up a scheme that would sneakily give Tommy all of evil Holly’s shares in Ojai Foods, and thus he would be able to fire her? Well, Holly (with help from daughter Rebecca) finally put all the pieces together and confronts Tommy about his horrible and illegal plan, screaming at him and then finally pressing criminal charges, as Tommy had embezzled a couple million dollars from their shared company (Tommy’s father, Papa Walker, was Holly’s lover, as we all know) to put this scheme into motion.

But while Tommy goes to court, the family decides to not tell Nora just yet. Why? Because Nora’s dealing with her own stuff, as Ryan the Missing Walker Who Goes to Berkeley finally used the open-ended plane ticket she gave him to come down to Pasadena to visit his previously unknown-to-him family. What does Ryan hope to accomplish? Well, since his mom is now dead, he needs to know who he truly is. Or something like that. You’d have to ask him.

And now we get about a 20-minute long Walker Clusterfuck, because the big look-our-family-is-getting-bigger dinner at Nora’s place turns into a multi-sided screaming match, as Ryan overhears the Walker Clan talk about Tommy’s legal troubles, then accidentally brings it up with Nora (thinking that she already knows about it), leading Nora to finally confront the increasingly stubborn Tommy about what he was possibly thinking in embezzling from his father’s company. Insulted that Nora would compare him to his adulterous and law-breaking father (well, come on Tommy, you two are both adulterers and criminals), he accuses Nora of turning a blind eye years ago to the problems since it afforded her such a lavish lifestyle, resulting in Nora providing Tommy with one of the best dramatic slaps I’ve seen in quite some time. Nora goes away from all the hubbub, only to scold Saul later for keeping Tommy’s scheme a secret, even if Saul warned him against it in the first place.

But the Walker Clusterfuck doesn’t end there, as seemingly everybody in the family is now against having Rebecca around them, as her mother could put Tommy (who has a wife and child) in jail for a very long time, even if it wasn’t her fault at all. (I think we can all agree that Tommy was being incredibly selfish and stupid throughout this entire ordeal.) Unfortunately, Holly won’t budge with the criminal case, even after having a sit-down with a desperately pleading Sarah, so any member of the Harper family is starting to look like the enemy.

And the biggest victim of this battle, at least in my opinion, is Justin and Rebecca, who after another round of bickering, finally break up. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The hotness is broken!) And who is there to pick up the broken Rebecca? A love-at-first-site Ryan, who visits the emotionally drained Rebecca at her house, leading to a closed door and a “to be continued” story thread.

I never thought that Justin and Rebecca’s earlier issues would result in a break-up, as they were usually stuff that could be dealt with simply by being more honest with each other, but Rebecca felt like she had to take her mother’s side and was sick of being attacked for something she didn’t do, and it was the last straw. It’s very sad to see this coupling end, and it’s especially tough to see the barely-involved-in-the-affairs-of-the-Walkers Ryan assert himself so quickly into Rebecca’s life — oh God, it’s going to get emotionally brutal really quickly, isn’t it? — and Brothers & Sisters continues to tear me apart.

Phew…what a gut-wrenching show. Not Big Love gut-wrenching, mind you, but man did Sunday’s episode bring me down. Great television, don’t forget that, but man is it hard to go to work after writing about all this madness. B&S, keep on keepin’ on.