The Husband:

A couple weeks ago I asked if anybody thought Megan Joy [Corkrey] was taking the competition seriously. I’m disappointed to report that, after this week’s performance and overall demeanor, it’s a big fat “no.” Something really horrible happened inside the brain of this woman that I loved in auditions and semifinals that turned her into a goofy joke, going from sweet jazz crooner sweetness to ridiculous flat mess.

I can’t tell you how much this pisses me off. Yes, there are plenty of people out there who really hate this show, and that’s their right. The show doesn’t need their viewership to keep up in the ratings, so they can go and watch their Mentalist B.S. But it’s when somebody inside the competition tries to completely throw it for a loop that I get angry. I’m taking it seriously, girl, whether you are or not. Instead of trying to challenge the judges and their concerns, Megan (or, say, Scott Savol), maybe you could have listened to their VALID critiques and become a great performer who does great songs AND kept true to your spirit. Instead of joking around with the audience, Megan (or, say, Chris Sligh), maybe you can get recognized for being a true, unique TALENT and not make goofy faces when other contestants did BETTER than you and DESERVED their votes. Instead of trying to redefine the show with your antics and your constant inexplicable presence, Megan (or, say, Sanjaya Malakar), maybe…oy…I’m done.

I think you made an ass of yourself, and it insulted those of us who really take American Idol as more than just a FOX primetime singing competition. Whether you like it or not, this show changes the general American zeitgeist, and to get into the Top 12 (or 13) and not even seem to recognize the power one could have is just so utterly disappointing. Simon was absolutely right to not even give Megan a chance after her declaration of simply not giving a shit anymore, and for once a swan song was entirely preferable.

One day I'll fly away!

One day I'll fly away!

What would have happened if, instead of Megan, we had Kristen McNamara in the Top 13. Or Jesse Langseth. Or Jackie Tohn if she hadn’t embarrassed herself in semifinals. I’m starting to prefer all of them at this point. I am a fickle beast.

As for the other contestants, I’m generally kind of in the middle with this week’s theme. On the one hand, it really raised Scott McIntyre as an artist in my eyes, as well as finally showing me, for the first time ever, why Kris Allen has so many fans (I’ve been harping on the kid for weeks, but I thought he was stellar on Tuesday), but on the other hand…well…let me explain.

The idea this week was to keep the music selections completely wide open, allowing the artist to pick a song that truly represented them and who they wanted to become. But half of them simply chose songs they liked without any concern for performance. Look, we’re in the eighth season of this competition, so there is no excuse for not having studied the arcs or previous contestants and realizing what makes them last so long. You need to connect with your audience on an honest level while at the same time being original while at the same time picking a well-known enough song to spark that nostalgia and faith in your voters while at the same time picking something that will show off your chops. Once again, Lil Rounds and Danny Gokey take the cake for being true karaoke performers with nary a change to their original song – my wife and I are so disappointed in Lil’s song choices so far that she has kind of been dubbed Lakisha v. 2.0 – and boring the hell out of me. (Okay, Danny was pretty good this week as far as karaoke style is concerned, because he seemed to finally open up…to a point.)

Why didn't anybody tell me this wig was on crooked??

Why didn't anybody tell me this wig was on crooked??

Balls. Just…balls. Even Lambert picked the completely wrong song, but he did it well enough (to a point) that it didn’t entirely matter. Still, we need some mega-Lambert brilliance in the next two weeks or he may just end up confusing people more than inspiring them. He needs a perfect combination of his brilliant performance pieces with a true earthshaking ballad, and he’s got this in the bag. It seems that not even his utter flamboyance is turning anybody off anymore.

The Wife:

Look, I wanted to love Megan, too, but after last night, I’m glad she’s done. The minute she said she was singing Bob Marley, I waved my hand at the television and uttered, “Have fun going home!” And lo, my command has come to pass. I really think that she got on the computer and looked up what bloggers have been saying about her and just switched off the part of her brain with any semblance of logic and decided to become the thing everyone thought she was. When she cawed her way to the Space Stools of Doom last night, I knew the Internet had destroyed her, and I’m glad she’s gone.

You know who shouldn’t have been on the Space Stools of Doom last night? Allison Iraheta. You want to know why she was there? That. Fucking. Outfit. Now, some of you may consider it odd that I spend my part of this post writing about how the Idols dress themselves, but for all that Kara says about package artists, I believe there is some truth to the fact that it matters how you look — especially when you’re in the public eye. At this stage in the competition, I think a good performance paired with a tragic outfit can send you to your doom, and this is exactly what happened to Miss Iraheta this week.

The minute she stepped onto that stage, I knew I wasn’t going to like writing this post. I try not to be excessively mean to these people, even if I don’t like them. And I do genuinely like Allison, so if she comes across this on the Interwebs, I don’t want this to destroy her brain and wind up cawing her way to the Space Stools like Megan Joy. Allison, what I am about to say, I say in your best interests. You have to lose the spiky hair and you have to stop pulling out Hot Topic prom dresses. Those two things in combination make you look like a troll doll. Here’s a visual comparison for you:

One of these things is EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHER.

One of these things is EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHER.

Please don’t ever do this again, Allison. I am counting on you to be the one solid female singer in this year’s sausage fest of a show. Go back to the Kelly Clarkson-cum-Fergie vibe you had during Motown week. That made you like like the star you are, and that’s how I want to see you.