The Wife:

So far, I like Community. I’m watching it because I like Joel McHale, and the smarminess of his Soup persona translates nicely to Jeff, the lawyer who returns to community college rather than face disbarment, who is just as much of a lovably smarmy asshole as McHale is on the The Soup.

The setting allows of a typically zany supporting cast, each one of them desperate for some kind of validation in their lives (as that’s kind of what community college is for). There’s the popular high school girl trying to make a fresh start, the jock who can’t let go of his high school pride, the mother trying to reclaim the education she never got, the hipper-than-thou girl who’s trying to do something with her life for a change, the kid who clearly learned more about pop culture over the course of his school life and therefore didn’t meet any expected learning results and the senior citizen trying to reclaim his youth.

This is probably why I never attended study groups.

This is probably why I never attended study groups.

I like all of them, but so far my favorite character is pop-culture obsessed Abed, who spent the entirety of the first episode misunderstanding subtlety and comparing Jeff’s plight to Michael Douglas roles.

“I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but now you’re more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.”

or

“I’m sorry I called you Michael Douglas and I see your value now.”

Another highlight of the pilot was John Oliver’s role as an anthropology professor trying to blackmail Jeff into getting his BMW in exchange for a year’s worth of answers to every test Jeff will ever take. Oliver plays the role with a Maxwell Smart-esque edge: the smart guy who makes too many idiot mistakes for you to actually think he’s smart. Case in point: “Con-4-s-8-tion” is his version of an abbreviated text.

With Jeff’s plans to cheat his way through community college falling apart before his eyes, he actually has to socialize with these losers from his Spanish class in the form of a study group and form some sort of community if they are all to survive and graduate, which sort of works out in his favor as, at the very least, it means he gets to spend time with love interest Britta.

In the next episode, Jeff switches assignment cards with Abed so that he can work with Britta on a Spanish project, but she has switched cards with Chevy Chase’s aging hipster Pierce simply so she won’t have to work with him. Rather than take the necessary 10-20 minutes to complete the simple assignment of creating a conversation using five stock phrases the class has learned from Senor Chung, Pierce goes balls-out and creates an epic, multi-page conversation that means very little and contains several anti-Israeli diatribes and a bunch of other vaguely racist shit.

Jeff tells Pierce off about the project and refuses to work with him, but Pierce wants to do the presentation as he wrote it. When Britta tells Jeff that she switched cards with Pierce because he paid her $100 just so he could work with Jeff, his Grinchian heart melts a little bit and he volunteers to do the project with Pierce as written. What follows is a hilarious, silent montage of each segment of the performance, which involves puppets, near minstrelsy, flag waving and silly-string wars. As triumphant as the finish is, Jeff and Pierce both earn Fs from Senor Chang. Jeff actually earns an F-minus.

But Jeff learns to be selfless, and that’s a more worthwhile lesson than anything in the B-plot, which sees Shirley and Annie hearing about one horrible global atrocity from Britta and deciding to become globally aware by setting up a protest rally about the death of a Guatemalan journalist. It tastelessly includes a piñata effigy of the dead man . . . who was beaten to death, as Britta points out, which Annie feels is part of why the piñata is poignant.

My problem with the B-plot isn’t its purpose, which is to mock collegiate organizations that rally around every cause without really understanding what that cause is and to demonstrate that “raising awareness” isn’t really doing anything, but its lack of growth for Shirley and Annie. Yes, through their actions Britta realizes that she is also one of those people who is all talk and no action and that she should actually do something other than being cool and bitchy, but Shirley and Annie don’t grow by this. I hope they do. Britta, Jeff and Pierce are all people. I’d like to see the rest of the ensemble become more than a source for jokes.

Stray thoughts and funny things:

  • Abed’s text misunderstanding in the first episode was funny.
  • I, too, question the validity of the library PA system.
  • Did anyone else notice that all of the flag cards in Mr. Chang’s Spanish class were Italian flags?
  • “In Spanish, my nickname is El Tigre Chino, because my knowledge will bite her face off!” — Senor Chang
  • Pierce: To the empowerage of words!
    Jeff: To the irony of that sentence.
  • “And this isn’t a school newspaper, it’s a real paper! There’s a Marmaduke in there.” — Shirley
  • Joel McHale is pretty well-built in the chest and arm area, is he not, ladies? I think Abed for coveting his dress shirt.
  • I would like to see Joel McHale and Lou wear those mini sombreros on The Soup one week.

The Husband:

So far I very much dig the wry humor and laid-back energy (oxymoronic, I know) of Community, but it’s still stuck in a Bill-Murray-in-the-70s type humor which results in smirks and knowing nods instead of outright laughs. There have, of course, been big laughs (Abed’s Breakfast Club outburst, for one), but I feel like I’m forcing myself to laugh at certain points. And I don’t want to force myself to do anything.

McHale is a great personality, and the second episode showed that it won’t be long before I can actually relate to Jeff as a character, but the snark might be, in my opinion, laid on a little too thick. It distances us viewers from the other characters, because he distances himself from them. I mean, even buffoonish Michael Scott has a heart. True, it took him a couple seasons to really find it, but as Community doesn’t have a big pedigree to its name, I’m not sure if viewers will wait that long.

Basically, there is a way to have your snark and eat it, too.

I do very much like the study room in the library, though. Every good sitcom needs its main room for the characters to congregate, like Sunshine Cab Company on Taxi, the newsroom on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, the hallway on Saved by the Bell (and yes, these are three of the shows I recently watched in my chronological journey through American sitcoms thanks to my workplace, Hulu and Netflix), as well as every single family sitcom that revolves entirely around the living room. It gives a nice air of familiarity.

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The Husband:

While we, the children of Saint Clare, have found the time to write about many of the biggest shows on television (and even some small ones), there is only so much time and energy we can spend on this site. The truth is, we watch a whole lot more than what ends up on the site, and since I watch most of these on my own and yet never find the ability to write about them, their absence is mostly my fault. But no matter. For those that fall through the cracks, I have here a grab bag of the 30+ shows I watch in addition to whatever ends up on the site. These are the ones that slipped through the cracks. And hell, I’m sure there are more I’m forgetting (and also not even bothering writing about, which tend to fall under instructional/educational stuff like anything on Discovery), so if you think I’ve forgotten something, please let me know. (And no, I don’t watch any CSI or L&O shows, so don’t even try to get all up in my grill.) Here they are, the missing shows of the 2008-2009 television season, in alphabetical order.

24

I really should have written at least some criticism on this season, but work piled up and I simply didn’t have the time. It started off as the most intelligent season with some of the most compelling political questions being thrown around (welcome to the show finally, “debate on torture”), but by the fourth time Tony twisted his alliance and Jack was infected with the disease, I kind of stopped caring. Great first half of the season, though, and I think Renee is the best new character in a very long time.

Adult Swim (Xavier: Renegade Angel / Superjail! / Squidbillies / The Drinky Crow Show / Metalocalypse / Delocated / Robot Chicken / Etc.)

Thank you, young people of Adult Swim (who I have spent some time with, don’t forget) for freaking my mind week after week, and giving alternative comedy a major boost in America. And for freaking out my wife.

A beacon of normalcy in a world of wackiness.

A beacon of normalcy in a world of wackiness.

Better Off Ted

It took me a couple episodes to latch onto the tone, but once I did I simply couldn’t get enough from this latest product of the mad mind of Victor Fresco. Check out some episodes online, then watch Andy Richter Controls the Universe (his previous show), and I guarantee you some of the oddest network comedy in a very long time. I still think Portia DeRossi is trying to hard, though, and should take a page from the book of Fresco mainstay Jonathan Slavin.

Castle

Bring it on, Nathan Fillion. Hypnotize me with your nostrils and your addictive but borderline-stupid mystery writer-cum-detective series. (Although how weird was that Judy Reyes episode? What the hell, Carla Turk?)

The Celebrity Apprentice 2

So sue me, I liked Joan Rivers. And the addition of the phrase “Whore Pit Vipers” to the television lexicon.

Celebrity Rehab (Sober House) with Dr. Drew

So help me, I can’t stop watching. It’s just a disaster. I will say, though, that I like the drama in the rehab far more than the sober house, as the latter seems to exist simply to destroy any progress the celebrities made in rehab. And now having seen all three of his seasons of Taxi, Jeff Conaway’s fall from grace is fishbowl television at its finest.

Dating in the Dark

Really fun, actually. I hope it gets a second season. I also hope that more matches will be made, and that people stop being massive failures.

Dirty Sexy Money

Everything I needed to say about the failure of the second season of this show can be found on this blog, and it ended its truncated run by turning itself inside-out by revealing that the show’s central mystery, who killed Peter Krause’s father, was a bust since he wasn’t dead after all. What the hell, Dirty Sexy Money? Oh well, your cancellation made room in Krause’s schedule for the much anticipated (by me) adaptation of Parenthood coming to NBC mid-season.

The Goode Family

It took a few episodes to find its footing, but by the end of its sped-up summer run, I was a major fan of the latest Mike Judge effort. (R.I.P. King of the Hill.) Vastly misunderstood by viewers who only watched the first episode, it, just like KOTH, found a middle ground between conservative America and liberal America and found the ability to make fun of both without drawing blood, choosing to love instead of hate. Some of the voice cast was misused (why was my beloved Linda Cardellini in the cast?), but as a Berkeley native, I had a blast relishing in mocking the stereotypes of my own people while rediscovering what it is I love so much about them. The bull dykes were also two of the most original characters of the season.

One Earth isn't just a grocery store, it's a way of life.

One Earth isn't just a grocery store, it's a way of life.

The Great American Road Trip

Any show that has two contestants debating over which is more correct, “y’all” or “youse,” gets major points in my book. A nice and forgettable summer trifle after a long, way-too-hot day. Silly, yes, but I can’t say it was bad. And it was a definite improvement over the similar family-based season of The Amazing Race. (I’m sure The Soup is really grateful for this show, too.)

Heroes

Oh god, kill me now. Volume 4 was a marked improvement over #3, for sure, but I just don’t care about anybody anymore. And yet I feel that I need to keep watching. It’s too late to give up now. There was one great episode this season, though, and that was the flashback one surrounding Angela Petrelli’s stint at a mutant internment camp. Why can’t they all be this good?

Howie Do It

Yeah, I watched it. Shut the fuck up. About one-third of it was funny, and as I watched it on Hulu at work, it’s not like I wasted any of my own time. Howie Mandel is savvier than you think, but I wish he would return to his wilder roots.

How’s Your News

This Parker-Stone produced MTV show revolving around reporters who are developmentally delayed confused the hell out of me initially, but once I realized there wasn’t a mean bone in its body it became a warm bit of fun. I want a second season, dammit. These are some of the most joyful television subjects I’ve ever seen.

I Survived a Japanese Game Show

Better than the first season, but I’m still glad I only watch this online while doing something else.

In the Motherhood

Worst opening credit sequence of the year. Some pretty funny material hidden underneath unfunny slapstick. Horatio Sanz got thin. Megan Mullally couldn’t find a rhythm. I still think Cheryl Hines is oddly hot.

Lie to Me

I unfortunately didn’t start watching this until July, and I wish I hadn’t waited so long. While gimmicky to a fault and not nearly as intelligent as it pretends it is, this Tim Roth vehicle about an FBI specialist who studies the subtleties of the face (OF THE FACE) is clever, compelling and well drawn. I’m not sure about the addition of Mekhi Phifer’s character, but we’ll see how it works out next season, especially with Shield creator Shawn Ryan at the helm of season two.

Life

This cancellation reallllly hurts. One of the unsung gems from the 2007-2008 television, this, the smartest network cop show in recent memory, took its great season one energy and hit the second season with all it had and came up with a compelling, hilarious, devilishly clever and gleefully violent run that was only marred by a major cast shift during the final few episodes. (I’m looking at you, Gabrielle Union. Your presence was what I like to call a massive failure.) A Zen-obsessed cop recently released from prison after serving over a decade for a murder he did not commit, this show had the best cases of them all. It also gave me one of my favorite hours of television of the year in an episode that revolved around a seductive assassin, fertilizer and pigeon aficionados. And at least the major serialized storyline (who framed Damien Lewis and why) got paid off in a major way thanks to the ever-reliable Garret Dillahunt.

lifeshot

My Boys

Putting PJ and Bobby together was a great idea, but your nine-episode seasons are too short to gain any momentum, and the spring training season finale was a bust.

Nitro Circus

Moronic glee.

Numb3rs

Man, did they put Charlie through the ringer. First, he nearly gets his brother killed with a miscalculation on his part, he questions his own validity as a mathematician and then Amita gets kidnapped just as he decides that he wants to marry her. Otherwise, another fine, if somewhat uneventful, of this show that never captured the glory of its über-nerdy first season. Also, thanks for all the great guest star work, but sometimes it gets laid on a little too thick, such as in “Sneakerhead” which brought together Bruno Campos, Patrick Bauchau, Dr. Edison from Bones and Eve. (And points for making the Liz Warner character actually bearable. I fucking hated her in season 4.

Privileged

So apparently the CW thought that their best idea ever was to get rid of this show, the smartest show on the UPN/WB merger since the Buffyverse, one that was technically pulling in bigger numbers than 90210, one that was a delight to watch and deeply addictive, and make room for what is sure to be one of 2009-2010’s worst new offerings, Melrose Place. I gotta tell ya, this cancellation hurts. While I wrote recaps and reviews of the episodes way into its freshman (and only) season, the looming axe, as well as a more heavily serialized structure, turned me off from writing on the final stretch of episodes, and I told myself that I’d only recap them if the show came back. Lo and behold, another Joanna Garcia vehicle has gone down the tubes. I’ll miss you oh so dearly, Ms. Too-Smart-For-The-CW Palm Beach satirical melodrama known as Privileged.

I hate to say this, guys, but I think Robert Buckley might be a showkiller. And that's sad, because he's so damn pretty.

I hate to say this, guys, but I think Robert Buckley might be a showkiller. And that's sad, because he's so damn pretty.

Rescue Me

I thought it was a great season, and thanks to an extended number of episodes (it didn’t air in 2008 thanks to the writer’s strike), the show was able to focus much of its energy on pages-long dialogue-happy battle-of-wits in nearly episode, which to be is melodrama heaven. Gone is the maudlin tone, returned is all the comic energy, and the stories seem to actually progress instead of just flopping around like a dying fish. Leary and Tolan deserve major praise for bringing the show back up to snuff. And now having seen all of Newsradio, I love any chance I get to watch Maura Tierney, although I’m still not going to watch ER. (I am proud to have only seen three episodes of that show ever, being a Chicago Hope fan.) Special shot-out to the Sean cancer storyline, if only to allow Broadway actor Steven Pasquale (husband of Tony winner Laura Benanti) the opportunity to belt out some songs in a handful of hallucination scenes.

Samantha Who?

One of the biggest upsets of the last two years was the rise and fall of this light-hearted, occasionally gut-busting amnesia sitcom that started off the talk of the town, only to waste away its final episodes after the conclusion of the actual television season. Ending on a shitty cliffhanger (Sam’s parents are getting divorced, so Mom is going to live with you and your formerly-estranged-but-now-love-of-your-life lover), we nevertheless found out who caused the accident that brought about Sam’s amnesia, Jennifer Esposito finally made it with the towel boy, and Melissa McCarthy continued to be one of the brightest stars of the year.

Scrubs

Like Privileged, I hesitated to continue writing due to the threat of its cancellation, but now it’s continuing on into yet another season (albeit with some major changes), so I really have no reason to stop writing about it. But let’s just say that while the hurry-up to conclude its many disparate storylines often felt rushed (those two Bahama episodes felt especially odd), the conclusion to J.D.’s years-in-the-telling tale was a lovely way to conclude the season. (No props for the awful awful Peter Gabriel song that accompanied his final walk down the hallway, as laughably bad as it was when I heard it in the remake of Shall We Dance?)

The Shield

I don’t have to tell you how amazing the final season was. Watch it. Seriously. You owe it to yourself to experience one of the hardest hitting cop shows of all time. Like The Wire, a Greek tragedy hammered into modern-day policework with some of the most finely drawn characters around. And oh man, did those final three episodes pack a major punch. Ouch, indeed.

Southland

Quite a bit like The Shield, really, had it followed Michael Jace’s beat cop instead of the Strike Team. A little too dour at times for me to really give a crap, and the sprawling ensemble needs to be cut down (which is what I hear it’s doing for the second season), but this L.A.-centered procedural has a lot going for it, not least of which its pitch-perfect direction. (I especially dig the long shots, including my favorite, which involved a cabin and a K9 unit bringing down a perp.)

Way better than dating Marissa Cooper.

Way better than dating Marissa Cooper.

Surviving Suburbia

A sitcom in serious need of finding one tone and sticking with it, this sometimes-sweet-sometimes-brutally-cruel suburban comedy worked as well as it did because of Saget as well as G. Hannelius’ performance as the precocious daughter. Still, all the jokes about disabled people, pregnant teenagers and strip clubs really didn’t mesh together with the clichés of the genre.

Survivor: Tocantins

I love Survivor, but this was one of the most boring seasons in its ten-year run. I don’t think I gave a shit about one person, and I simply couldn’t find anything compelling to write about. A waste of a good location.

True Beauty

The right person won, the losers got (mostly) schooled in this trick show designed to expose the douchery involved in modeling, Ashton Kutcher made another heroin-like show, and I concern myself for months with how they can pull the trick off a second time in the next season.

The Unusuals

When grading a cop show, I tend to focus on three things — the tone, the characters and the cases. A bizarre, pessimistic yet comedic take on all those wacky cops we’ve seen throughout the years all thrown together (one is deathly afraid of…death, one has a brain tumor, one talks in the third person, one is a closeted socialite, etc.) pushed into some remarkably dark territory, The Unusuals had tone and characters down pat, but suffered at the hands of some DOA storylines. But oh man, did the tone ever make up for most of the show’s shortcomings. Great ensemble cast, too, although I would have recast Eddie Alvarez.

Rather unusual.

Rather unusual.

Worst Week

A breezy and often hilarious slapstick comedy based off of a British hit, it could never regain its momentum after moving away from the initial “week” of the title. Kyle Bornheimer is a true find and made the more unbearable misunderstandings and embarrassing moments of the show (of which there were many) all the more palatable. I’m not the biggest fan of comedy based around humiliations, but this show found a likeable ability to have its characters not completely despise each other at every moment. This was, to say the least, very refreshing. Big points for giving me the biggest network TV laugh of the year (when Bornheimer wakes up his brother-in-law only to be thought a murderer) but major negative points for pushing back a major character-based episode into a weekend spot months after the show had already ended its run.

The Husband:

– I’m sorry, but Casey the Bitter Banana absolutely deserved that eviction. Thinking himself a noble being and a formidable player, he decided to do two things I very much don’t advise: 1.) expose your entire plan, and 2.) act like a total jackass. Oh, poor you, Casey. Things didn’t go exactly as you planned, so you stomped your feet and cried like one of your Floridian fifth graders. I’m sorry, but your ill-advised ego got a hold of your game and never let go, and you simply pissed off enough people to warrant an ousting. There are few things I hate more on this show than the woe-is-my-betrayed-hide guff I get from you and, during last week, Russell. It’s a strategy game, and if you end up on the outside of the house during the first half of the game, you personally did something wrong, and this very much includes your margarita-party-over-more-points bullshit during the challenge. (In the home stretch, it becomes less about your external mistakes and more about your internal ones, but that’s a discussion for another day.) And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with wearing a banana suit, especially one as non-embarrassing as that one. I had to wear a full banana suit my first day at Jamba Juice back when I was in college, and I relished the opportunity to traipse around the Powell Street Plaza in Emeryville jumping like a freak and handing out coupons. It was actually my favorite day at that summer job. So suck it.

-I still simply do not understand the hate for Ronnie from most of the house and the online community. He hasn’t acted a buffoon, he hasn’t acted like a sore winner/loser, and he most certainly hasn’t actually stepped on too many toes. He’s the victim of a terrible smear campaign, when he is doing what everybody should be doing – playing the godforsaken game. He’s using his smarts, he’s keeping his boasts to the diary room and he has 100% succeeded in moving his target onto Jessie’s back. Ronnie isn’t Jessie’s bitch, Jordan – Jessie is Ronnie’s bitch. Is it that Ronnie isn’t as good-looking as Dr. Will, who played a similarly risky game? Are your insults solely aimed at Ronnie’s nerdy looks? Can you look past your preconceived notions about “brains” and realize that he had bounced back admirably from nearly burying himself during his HOH run? It seems not.

This reaaaaaaallllllllly has to stop.

This reaaaaaaallllllllly has to stop.

– Lydia lusting after Jessie = gross. I thought you were better than that, Lydia, but I can understand your brain getting a little scrambled having lived in L.A. for so long. (That’s right. I said it. I lived there for five years, so I can say that.)

– Ohhhhh, Jordan, I understand that, judging from the live feeds reports, you are not nearly as stupid as you are made out to be on CBS. I can understand that. You have a very dark underside, and each episode I come closer to realizing how street-smart you are. But man, what happened during your childhood that would make you appear so completely vapid in regards to any actual education? I’m trying not to chalk it up solely to your extreme prettiness, but it’s hard to find another explanation.

Here are my favorite Jordan quotations from the week:

“I may not be the smartest crayon in the box.”

Jeff: What was that?

Jordan: That was a fart. On your face.

And her best ironic statement of the week:

Casey: They sent Laura home because she wasn’t a sheep. Same with me. I’m not a sheep.

Jordan: I’m right behind you.


– Did anyone see that Russell/Ronnie twist coming? As evidenced from my tirade against Russell last week, I certainly didn’t. After nearly destroying Ronnie’s soul last week, Russell is now in a secret alliance with Ronnie. (Which, of course, became not-so-secret when everybody noticed how chummy they were being. Good job, Aggie.) Oh well. The douche-manchu is gone, and Russell is back to being an unknowing buffer between the jocks and the rest of the house, as evidenced by the best dialogue of the last three episodes:

Casey: On that team, you’re number four.

Russell: [pause] I’m number two.

– I most certainly hope that the gigantic foam diploma (which looks more like a bow-tied crèpe to me) makes it onto The Soup tonight, because that’s certainly the funniest thing that has happened so far this season.

The Husband:

Even mooooooooooooore notes from my American Idol viewing. This week we go to Jacksonville, FL. Now, I try not to go out of my way to offend anybody, and I usually try to keep people’s feelings intact, but I have to say this: Jacksonville is the worst city I’ve ever been to.

I think I should clarify. I’m sure I’ve driven through worse towns in America, but Jacksonville is certainly the worst in which I’ve spend an extended amount of time. I was there for about 1.5 weeks during being on the road four months with a traveling film festival, and I was asked by my boss to leave the lovely people, nice, warm weather and lakeside awesomeness at Rollins College in Winter Park, FL (where Mr. Rogers went!) to drive 140 miles north with a co-worker I despise to launch the week-long filming session at Jacksonville University, or JU. (You have to say each letter on its own, otherwise people will think you are obsessed with Semites.) I was bored at the campus. The students had no spirit. (At many colleges/universities, we received more than 100 short films, but at JU we only got 15, one less than the minimum amount to put on the actual show on the final night.) I was bored at the hotel. I was bored in the city. Even when I left early to drive the equipment all the way up I-95 from Jacksonville to Boston, I hated every moment of my time there.

No offense to those people from Jacksonville, but your city, from what I experienced, basically sucks. And I love Florida. I love how various and nutty and crazy and humid it all is, and I love how you could drive ten miles away from you are and be in a completely different kind of town, slingshotting from liberal to republican, metropolis to swamps, quiet bordertowns to loud and bright beach cities. It’s completely bonkers, and I love it.

But not Jacksonville. My favorite bit of trivia that I gained from that trip is that outside the major downtown tall-buildings area of Jacksonville, the city has one of the lowest crime rates in America, but step inside the downtown area and it’s one of the highest. That’s Florida for you.

Now, onto the actual notes:

  • Thanks for the sweet footage of Randy’s stint as the bassist in Journey. I’ve only seen pictures so far. Any excuse to play “Don’t Stop Believin’” is a-okay in my book.
  • There’s a Beverly Hills, FL? Is it as sweet yet utterly obnoxious as the one in SoCal?
  • Simon actually very much likes puppies. I don’t know how I remember that, though. Maybe it was from his autobiography, which I read in just one night. (Go me! I waste time well!)
  • I want Dana Moreno’s audition of Chaka Kahn as my ringtone. [I still have last year’s “I Am Your Brother” for my friends and “Let My People Go” for my family.]
  • I would usually say to never bring the parent of any contestant into the audition room, but this time it didn’t go as poorly as it usually does. It was more just sad than anything else.
  • I would usually say to never audition with a Whitney Houston song, but Julissa Lopez worked it out, to use a Randyism.
  • I would usually say to never audition with Minnie Riperton’s “Lovin’ You,” but…nope, I’m still right.
  • Jasmine Murray, the absolutely gorgeous 16-year-old African-American girl, will go very far, especially if she rises above and makes us forget about her age. [Other than Jordin Sparks, I can’t name one minor that I truly loved and wanted to win. They all end up annoying me with their naïveté.]

    Jasmine Murray -- gorgeous girl with a gorgeous voice.

    Jasmine Murray -- gorgeous girl with a gorgeous voice.

  • I love physicist George Ramirez, especially when asked where he sees himself in 11 years, in his wildest dreams. “A simple house, with nice floors.”
  • I tend to like people who’ve auditioned in previous seasons, as they show that they truly care about the competition, but I did not like T.K. doing David Archuleta’s version of “Imagine” note-for-note in his audition.
  • Anne Marie Boskovich is very nice for this competition. She’s laid-back and not too cocky, and that’s something I respect…up to a point. (coughjasoncastrocough)
  • 16 Golden Tickets for Jacksonville, leaving only 46 left for the remaining three locations.
The Wife:
  • First of all, I’d like to note that somewhere on that Florida trip my husband was talking about, he purchased for me a gator paw backscratcher. That’s right. I own a backscratcher, made from the dismembered hand of an alligator. I love it. I hang it in my kitchen, which confuses and bewilders guests, especially because I’m a vegetarian.
  • Julissa is the worst name I have ever heard. I hate this girl. She sings really well, but she is definitely one of the most genuinely dumb people I’ve seen in a long time.
  • How uncomfortable did Seacrest look when Kara made him sit on her lap? He looked so scared! Joel McHale is so going to have a field day with that clip over on The Soup.
  • I think physicist George Ramirez needs to get back to that mysterious island in the pacific and help Sawyer find his shirt . . .
  • It is highly unfair that Jasmine Murray and her three sisters are some of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever seen. That family has some amazing genes, to produce such beautiful girls.
Listen, if you were stuck on a time-traveling island for several months, you'd dream of hardwood floors too, okay?

Listen, if you were stuck on a time-traveling island for several months, you'd dream of hardwood floors too, okay?

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